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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you don't HAVE to do anything. It it is fair to say you don't have the bandwidth to host large groups. But every time you chime in you sound to me kind of, well, bratty.  "MY daddy, I'll never care about these STRANGERS, whiiiiine."  Everyone is a stranger until you know them. His wife is his wife and he obviously wants the two of you to have a relationship.  Please consider opening your heart a bit.  You're life may be fuller for it. [/quote]

First, OP doesn't mind if the wife comes.  She minds that the wife's adult children and grandchildren may come.

And OP DOES know them, and she knows she doesn't enjoy their company.  I don't get the forcible closeness. It's perfectly fine not to want to have a relationship with someone.[/quote]

Op here. This is what I struggle with. They are always calling the stepgranchildren my niece and nephew and wanting us all (me, DD, DH, dad, stepmom and her children and grandchildren) to spend time together as a group. They've been married 3 years, 3rd marriage for both, and live 5 hours away. Me and DH both work full time and have a young child. I'm just not into the charade. I find it difficult to embrace them to the degree they seem to assume we should. They seem to want to play family. This just doesn't make sense to me.

I know I'm not required to host them and can say no, and could just have a conversation with my dad. I think I resent that I even have to do that and wish they could already be perceptive enough to discern that we aren't super into it and that doesn't make me a jerk. I agree there's no tactful way to say what I'm feeling here so I will probably do a combination of sucking it up and putting on a happy face with the group, at least a couple times a year, and trying to see my dad one on one when I can.

A couple other facts-dad and new wife have had a rocky 3 years and I put odds of them staying together at approximately 5%. I also have made an effort to connect with the stepgrandchildren, figuring maybe DD would love them and it would be fun to have cousins. I've bought them birthday presents and try to be interested in them.. There's a big age difference with them and DD.  It just isn't coming together. Ive also tried to connect with the wife's adult children-we are just extremely different people and have nothing in common. If I'm being totally honest I do find them a bit trashy, though they aren't bad people by any means.

Me and DH are also extremely introverted nerds and hate having people stay in our home. We hate parties and groups.  We mostly like to be alone or together with our little family of us and DD so this feels like a bigger imposition than maybe it would if we were more comfortable around others, or if we lived in the same town and could see them once or twice a month for an activity or dinner.[/quote]

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