Reply to ONS had a child - How screwed am I?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, you didn't know about the child before, but you do now. As a father, you do have a right to see your child, so I would recommend you get started on building the relationship now. It's really unfair of the mother to rob you of the chance to know the child from birth, so don't let any more time get away. [b]One day you will regret it[/b].  [/quote]

I think this is the part that I struggle with.  On the one hand, getting more involved will add a significant amount of drama and turbulence to my life.  On the other hand, will I regret it later on?  I don't know and I don't really have a way to gauge that.

The only exposure I have to this in my life so far are a few of my friends that are married and have kids.  That part of it does sound nice but then again they're raising kids with a life partner so it's kinda like, for lack of a better word, a loving bond between all of them rather than a potential relationship with the child and chaos with bio mom.

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You're looking at parenthood the wrong way. Parenthood isn't something you decide to do because it will be fun and seems nice, it's something you do *for* your child out of love for them. Having an absentee father who never even bothered to meet him/her will damage your child. Being involved will mean taking on all of the unpleasant parts of parenting and doing the hard work, but you do it because you care about being a positive influence on your child and helping them become happy, healthy people. If you're only in it for what you'll get out of it and you're not willing to do the hard, unpleasant work, you're going to be a crappy father whether you're involved or not.[/quote]

I'm having a hard time reconciling your statement with the one above about me regretting it one day.  If I'm neutral about the situation now I don't understand why that would change with the passage of time.  Maybe I'm too analytical to grasp this but I'm giving it a shot.  Another hypothetical would be if I get older and presumably get married and decide to have kids if I wanted them at a later point wouldn't I get all of these same experiences (good and bad) that way?

I understand the points others have made about being there for the kid, etc.  Those seems like fairly straightforward issues and I will consider them.[/quote]

OP I've been withholding judgment until now but you seem like an absolute sociopath.  It might be better for the kid if you stay away and just send checks.[/quote]

I'm trying to understand all of the issues as best I can which is why I posted.  It's a major decision and I'm certainly not going to make a decision one way or the other within a day but I'd like to gather as much information as possible before doing so.  I'm not convinced on the "I'll regret it" point yet so I'm probing further.  [/quote]

The truth is many don't regret it. My friend was pregnant by her bf who went on to get married having his own kids. Was never interested in their child that she raised. Same with his wife. The son tracked him down when he was 30 something which I thought was a bad idea. The guy told him the man that raised him was his father, and basically he wanted to be left alone.

OP I would weigh everything carefully. If you truly have no desire or to change your lifestyle I think that's your answer. I would say either be an involved father or totally let it go. [/quote]

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