Reply to Therapist takes DH's side

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think it might help you to step back and stop looking at this as an issue of who's right and who's wrong, and start looking at it from the perspective of "what does my behavior get me, and is there anything more constructive I can do." You and your MIL don't get along, and to have you harping on every sideways glance from her just puts your DH in the middle of it, which is a really tough place for him to be. Unless she's doing something that truly does necessitate intervention by him (e.g., she's excluding =you from an extended family vacation and your DH needs to tell her that he's not coming if you're not invited), stand up to her yourself in the moment and then find a friend to vent to. Try to look at it not as him not giving you what you want, but as you giving him some kindness and grace in your marriage. [/quote]

Sorry,but why isn't DH supporting her? The HUSBAND is the real issue, not actually the MIL.[/quote]

Or perhaps the issue is the OP and her inability to find a compromise position. For instance, let's say the issue is that MIL is negative/critical about everything, it's not specific to OP. The particular offenses are things like the OP saying they might repaint their kitchen blue and her MIL saying she doesn't like blue, or saying they're going to the beach for vacation and her MIL saying she doesn't like the beach. This is just how MIL is with everyone, she is not going to change, and the only way to get out of it is to cut MIL out of their lives. Is that really a proportional response to the MIL's negativity, and does the DH really need to intervene every time his mom says something negative? Or could OP learn to just roll her eyes and ignore her MIL? If the MIL is abusive toward the OP, that's a different situation, but without more detail from the OP, we have no reason to assume that.[/quote]

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