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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Blended families take time and effort, no doubt about it.  I've read your posts and it sounds like you're trying hard.  I agree with the poster about doing family outings (water slide, putt putt, hiking, canoeing on the river, movie night, game night, basketball outside or at a nearby rec, etc) to help build associations at least.

The only thing I'm wondering about is...you said your younger son goes off to do his own thing.  That makes sense because he is in his house and has a bedroom and playroom, etc.  Yet your BF's son basically is a "guest" in your house.  He doesn't have a bedroom or playroom or someplace he can go.  He is probably stuck in the living room or family room with the two of you watching every move.  That stinks for a little boy.  I would think about this dynamic and see if you can change any thing so that the boy has his own space.  [/quote]

Ugh.  I've been the BF's child and in a situation described above starting as a tween.  Awful.  Would BF's son live with you full time?  If not, I hope you and BF have a place for the child when you're married.  Nothing like hanging out with the step family when their off doing their own thing and you're stuck in the living room away from friends and no space to put down a book.   Even being subjected to the pool makes me shudder.  My brother and I went, and behaved, but it was yet another "cold" place for us.  We were expected to behave and smile, and we did as we were told, but there was no upside for doing so.

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My house is plenty big for him to have his own bedroom. He never brings anything with him but I have plenty of stuff that kids like, from video games to art stuff to a nice place to hang out outside. [/quote]

Have you considered telling him that he has a dedicated space that is his or would that feel too permanent to your kids?  You would have to follow through, though, and help him make it his own (paint or wall hangings or bedspread of his choice, etc).  If you really are moving forward then your BF's kid needs someplace that is his so he isn't a "guest" in your house.  Because right now I see that he has three places:  with his mom, sometimes with his dad (it sounds unstable), as a "guest" with you and your kids.  That is an awful lot of shuffling around for a little one and it doesn't sound like he really has a place to call his own.  Frankly, it may be too much for that to be at your house given the fragility of your relationship with the BF but, on the other hand, if the relationship between the children is the major stumbling block then it may be a good idea given the group dynamics.  Wow, my heart goes out to that little boy.  Have you considered family therapy or couples therapy?  Best wishes and good luck![/quote]

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