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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP.  Resurrecting this thread.  Things have become far worse.  DS insists he doesn't want to go to his father's house, his father is refusing to meet with him anywhere but there.  DS asked me to pull the plug.  He's 12 years old, he can make up his mind.  Ex-DH threatened to call the cops if DS doesn't come to his house and have them physically bring DS there.  The lawyers are involved.  [/quote]

Child knows you don't want the visits and is trying to side with you.  He is 12, no he cannot make up his own mind.  Can he choose to go to school?  Can he choose to go to the doctor?  No.  Step up and be a parent and tell him you expect him to comply with the visits.  Cops will not bring child there but he can file in court and make things very difficult and expensive for you.[/quote]

At 12, children have significant say in court about spending time with parents. If there is documentation of unwelcoming atmosphere for biochild in dad's house, it is unlikely courts will force visitation.  Dad will have to spend funds to file to enforce visitation.  Thag seems unlikely if miney is tight.  Alsk Dad will jot be seen as angel in picture if he is seen to be spurning compromises offered to enable continued visitation.[/quote]

Actually mom has to prove abuse or neglect.  Dad and stepmom are annoying.  Both mom and dad will have a custody battle.  When my husband's ex did this to him, the judge actually gave him more, not less time.  It really depends on the judge.  At 12, kids can have a say but parents also have the right to visitation.  This sounds like a mom set up situation.[/quote]

OP doesn't need to go back to court to do anything; she already has custody.  If she documents that she has tried to convince son to go to Dad's, tried to offer mutually acceptable alternatives that dad has rejwcted, and if kid documents behavior of stepkids/mom, etc., bioMom and kid will likely be protected in court should dad decide to try and bring an enforcement action for visitation.  Judges recognize that a parent can't pick up a 12 year old and force them into the car.  Judges also don't take kindly to parents bringing actions in court when compromises have been offered and rejected outside court; it's a waste of court time.

BTW, my 12 y.o. is 5'5" and 135lbs.  I am not physically able to make him do anything he doesn't want to.  My DD is 16.  I could pick her up and carry her to the car to visit her dad, but I am not going to wreck my relationship with her to make up for mistakes he has made in his relationship with her.  At this age, the respect and obediance of a child has been earned over the course of the parent child relationship.  My kids do what I tell them because they trust me and know that I will not ask them to do things that are not in their best interests. My exDH has earned the relationship he has with them.  It is not my job to fix it. [/quote]

You are missing the point completely.  Mom does not want the visitation and is setting the child up.  At 12, my husband's ex tried this non-sense.  She took him to court for more child support and ended up getting much less and alimony removed.  She also had to pay more for the plane tickets.  Judge had no sympathy for her creating a disconnect.  If your child does not want to go to school, is that ok?  Of course not.  You give the child consequence.  You will really screw up your kids by not allowing a relationship with the other parent... my husband's kids are proof of that.  2/3 don't talk to mom and none have done much with their lives.  Its really sad.[/quote]

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