Reply to How to find a guy who will let me be a SAHM

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op you asked a serious question so I will give a serious answer. I don't know why people had to criticize you as I think a fair number of women would prefer this once they have kids since children is so expensive and hard to find in this area.

So, here are some tips:

1. Make sure to keep yourself looking great...that means working out every day and going to bed hungry
2. Learn home arts such as great cooking, sewing, and washing
3. Subscribe to Sports Illustrated and learn as much as you can about the names of basketball, football, and baseball teams. Add in hockey and soccer if you have time
4. Get a job as a paralegal. I know tons of rich partners who have left their starter wives for a much younger, baby making mommy.
5. Learn to laugh at everything he says
6. Join a gym where there are more guys than girls
7. Read, read, read...get a broad range of magazines from HBR to People, Entertainment, Esquire, Wash Post, NYT, Wall Street Journal
8. Repeat until this strategy works
9. Tell all of your friends about your plan...they may know someone
10. Two of my SILs do this...one always criticizes my brother he doesn't make enough money...never do this!
11. Good luck! Your man is out there. I knew a guy from Harvard Law School who wouldn't date anyone if they wanted to WOHM[/quote]

That list is ridiculous. Her eis how it worked for me:

1. Had two kids in quick succession. 
2. Started off working and putting them in daycare. 
3. Cried everyday  because I did not see them enough. 
4. They were terrible sleepers going into year two. My husband and I were totally spent all the time. Zombies / low performers at work. 
5. Daycare costs for two were killing us. 
6. Realized we were totally overwhelmed. 
7. I quit my job. 
8. We moved to  a cheaper neighborhood.

And in reality, now that I have done both, it isn't easier or better for the kids, just different. I totally get why people work, and totally get why people stay home. You  (nor your future husband) can't  go into parenthood with preconceived plans, you make choices as you go and just have to land on a balance that works. 
[/quote]

Couples can go into marriage with and successfully execute preconceived notions of how things will be. Generally, I find these couples to be incredibly sincere people that have a strong compass on who they are and what they want to be. Some are honest enough to know they never want kids, others know they want to have kids with a SAHM from day 1.  Obviously, life can and does occasionally force choices for people. But I can think of at least three couples ranging from the non-traditional (never want kids) to super-traditional (she wanted to SAHM from day 1 and he's made big law partner). The only common themes I see is that they all met and married relatively young for educated people and they also understood that they were not going to "have it all". Not suggesting that that guarantees any desired outcome, only that it is possible to know what you want and go out and execute on it. [/quote]

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