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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. All valid points made above. I could accept low pay, if he worked fewer hours. That is just not going to happen with this job. Our kids are 12 and 14 and do need to be driven to multiple activities. I feel like I have pulled more than my weight for years since he is rarely around. I have looked for a new higher paying job as well, but honestly would feel resentful taking on even more stress to keep him where he is. I don't expect for him to magically find a job, just to make a serious attempt to see what else is out there. If nothing,  so be it.[/quote]

PP, I would say that your 12 and 14 year old[b] don't [/b]have to be driven to activities. They can be restricted to activities that are family schedule friendly (on weekends or at the school and they can walk home, or they can take public transit to get there. As much as it sucked, I just couldn't participate in activities when I was a kid because both my parents worked and had long commutes.  I fully recognize that my way of giving my kids what I didn't have revolves around activities.   I have had to compromise wth DH what activities they are involved in and get his support with drop off and pickups etc for the activity or frankly the answer is no.  And there are certain things my kids are not involved in because it would be too big of a commitment.

Either your husband values the activities your kids are in and wants them to do all these things, in which case he should be willing to help make it happen, or YOU want them to do it and are willing to do all the work to make it happen.  Agree first on what you value and if you find a disconnect, hear each other out and  come up with joint solutions for a compromise.  While I wouldn't tell DH to get a new job that makes more money, there would not be a scenario in which I'm getting a new job with no flexibility making more money AND doing all the things I did prior due to the flexibility of my old job.[/quote]
NP. Pp, you are an arse. A huge asswipe. What you know about the need to transport op's kids could fill half a thimble. Stop being such a "what's good for me/my kid is good enough for you/your kid".  If my kid is not your kid, how the hell would you know what my kids needs are? You cannot perceive that anyone's needs could vary from your own.[/quote]

PP here that you are now calling names. If OP said she was driving her kids to therapy or to the hospital for life saving surgery, I would agree that her kids have different needs.  She never said her kid activities were life or death.  Nor has she said that her kids succeeding in said activities are the only way out for them.  Like someone that may be driving their kids cross town to get an education at a school that isn't offered where they are so the child had a better chance out of poverty and to succeed in life.  So yes, I will question need versus want.  In my mind, a true need means I am going to do what needs to be done and if DH is standing in my way we may have to part ways.  There is no compromise on my child getting life saving medical attention and/or therapy.  I would even go a step further to say, if this is a no compromise type thing, then I would have to figure out how to do at as a single parent anyway , so trying to get soon to be exDH a new job would not be a consideration because I would be too busy trying to figure out as a single mom what job I need to support my children and make sure what needs to get done does get done.

So let's move on to want.  If this is a want, as long as OP and her DH agree, I say wonderful that they found the person that agrees.  I will use public school versus private school.  If someone went to private school and knew they wanted their children to go to the same private schools as part of tradition that is great if they married someone that feels the same way.  Then they have a conversation together about what sacrifices should be made to make that happen.  Maybe DH will gets a higher paying jobs maybe we decide it should be me.  Maybe I get a job working for the school so we will get a discount.  [u]But if there was agreeement, OP wouldn't be posting.[/u]  You can call me names but I am absolutely not going to make OP's DH out to be the bad guy if she is making the decisions about what is important for the kids (and this isn't life or death - physical or mental, it isn't fundamental like food, shelter, education) and expects him to sacrifice to make it happen without getting his agreement/Buy-in or considering compromises.  I don't need to know what her kids needs are, but I know she needs her DH to be in agreement if she wants him to willingly make sacrifices to get there.

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