Reply to what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]YOU have no idea what you're talking about, nor do you know the players.  First, I said nothing speculative about anyone's primary motivations!  [b]But the anecdote shows someone in a terrible situation being kind, correct?  [/b]

The Thai woman - if she's human, is it not reasonable to wonder how she felt giving up her daughter?

Since you want to posit without having the ovaries to just SAY it, that the Thai woman is a monster who didn't care about the daughter anyway (which one cannot know), please get some therapeutic help.  And learn to focus your obvious anger on the man (men?) who hurt you.  [/quote]

You don't understand what I am trying to say.  You think the wife is being kind.  What I'm telling you is that her actions may have the effect of kindness toward the other child.  But that's not what drives her.  What drives her is the good of her marriage and family.  The child, independently of her marriage and family, is simply not a factor to her. She isn't doing what she's doing "for the good of the child."  She concluded, based on her own reasons, that her marriage and family has the highest chance of surviving if the child is integrated vs. left behind.  That's why she acts the way she acts.

I don't think women who give up their children are monsters, women give up their kids for adoption or leave custody to fathers every day around the world.  Not all women have the primordial desire to rear their own. 
[/quote]

Not the PP...

I doubt you are correct. Men abandon children at an alarming rate and just send money. Women rarely abandon children even other people's children.  I am sure that was an option. I think the wife was being kind, it's her children's 1/2 sibling.[/quote]

Nope.  Her actions may have been kind toward the child, but it's not kindness that drives her, it's the desire to preserve her family.  She judges, based on what she knows, that placing the child inside the family is less risky than leaving it outside and living with the risk that her husband will see or support it in secret.

Abandonment is a cultural concept.  If you lived in a society where custody routinely goes to men, no one would call it "abandonment", it would simply be the way things are.

I doubt a half-Thai baby provides a meaningful sibling experience to a 13-year old teenager. Especially when she understands, as in her age she would, how that "half-sibling" came about.  This sort of thing is very traumatic to the children of marriage.[/quote]

Nope. Her actions were driven by kindness for another human other than herself.

Sorry to say, some people just do the right thing. You obviously are devoid of that experience in your life.

she did not have to worry about the Thai woman or the Thai child. Men are too lazy to put their own closes in the hamper, he certainly is not spending tons of time visiting an AP or child overseas.

Men don't leave wives for AP or even for children from the OW. The kindness was from the wife. the 13 yo will see how much his/her mom would sacrifice for the life of another.  Teen are the age they learn the parents make mistakes too. I have many friends/family where the dad has a child out of wedlock and the 10-22 yo from the 1st marriage is fine... mostly it's after divorce, but really ... men can't just get a vasectomy or use protection. It shows how immature they really are. Half-siblings in the US are more a norm than an exception.[/quote]

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