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[quote=Anonymous]Omg everyone lay off. When I was in my 20s I sometimes made extravagant purchases for fun or for people I cared about. Maybe not financially excellent decision making but I never got myself in bad trouble and am noworking doing very well, plenty in retirement and debt free other than a mortgage and car loan. Better to make them in your 20s cause once your married with kids you can't do it anymore!

You gave your new fiance a great yet extravagant birthday gift, you do not deserve to be crucified for this jeez.

Your fiance on the other hand, Jesus. Once we were engaged my DH and I were one pot. The fact that you're still at this level of hair splitting make me think he doesn't plan on combining finances after marriage. Is this true? If he isn't talking about your medical debt as your collective debt than that is very concerning. He seems to have not shifted to thinking of you all as a unit. Bad thing #1. He seems to not be taking care of you and supporting you through your diagnosis. Bad thing #2 (worst thing IMO). He seems to kind of play games with you about how he is feeling and thinking about your finances. Bad thing #3. He's generous to himself but cheap to you.  Bad thing #4.

So op I'm another that rarely employs the DTMF refrain (dump that mother effer for the earlier pp app didn't know) but honestly you guys need to have a long conversation. And if he hasn't assuaged your fears at the end I would rethink the marriage. You don't want to have a two year old and be arguing about who's paying for July's diapers while you're doing all the night feedings and getting him world's best dad t shirts.

He needs to show you he understands your concerns, explain what he's going to do to change them and most importantly, talk to you candidly while treating you with love compassion and kindness. That is how marriage works, nor haggling over vacation nights and ordering 1000 dollars worth of Christmas presents from a spouse.

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