Reply to FI suggested I pay for my birthday?!

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "FI suggested I pay for my birthday?!"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP, there are red flags all over this. I am not sure where to start.  But let's lay out a couple of problems.

You are the one putting in the efforts to plan dates and special events. In the larger scheme of things, this is not a big deal--I am the planner in our relationship. BUT, Dh expresses how much he appreciates it and finds his own way to reciprocate. Does your fiance do this? Does he do anything to show his appreciation?

Secondly, yes, spending 1500 on a birthday trip is extravagant by any means but especially if you are depleting savings! That being said, it was your choice, however irrational to do so. that being said, the fact that your fiance will not spend %500 on your birthday, and he makes 125 kand presumably has no dependents and is a consumer on himself is a problem. What is he spending his money on that another 250.00 is a stretch? If its golf clubs and drinks with friends and his BMW, but not your birthday, then you dont wnat to be with this guy because either he is a big spender and not saver or because you are low on his list of priorities.

Wedding costs: you should not be splitting this 50/50 as your incomes are not 50/50. You should be splitting this proportionally with whatever income is left after you accont for your basic expenses: rent/mortgage, transportation, medication, etc. It doesn't sound ike you have much left over. THe reasonable thing would be to scale the wedding bck to something very inexpensive, and that he can fund. Again, presumably, he has money to put away.

medical costs: the fact that you are paying so much out of pocket is disturbing in itself. WHat are your options for insurance once married? Why is your fiance expecthign christmas gifts when you can barely pay your bills? does he come from money or something? he seems clueless.

What is your situation now? I am assuming you do not live together; we have no information on how bills and epxneses are dealt with now. This would give you an indication of how it will go in marriage.

This raises a much bigger question: have you had hard discussions about finances once you are married? Are you joining your money in one big pot, is it kept separate? Does he have his own property that he owns (note if acquired before marriage it is not joint property)? I worry that he will expcet you to pay 50 % of all expenses, and he will invest all his extra income on himself and not on joint things. What about savings and money coming into the marriage? What about any inheritances? what about staying home versus working with kids? [not to mention: division of labor WITH kids]? what about percentage of income to save versus spend? For the people who said "dont worry, this will work out once you're married-" i say wrong! Finances and inlaws/extended family are the biggest sources of conflict in most marriages. Before DH and I got married, we had all of these talks .It wasnt easy, but we had some thigns that made our relationship in terms of finances work: we have similar ideas about how to save/spend. we came into the marriage on relatively equal footing. He DH did not make a lot of money when we got married (80k at 40 years old) but I made even less--60k at 35. I married him because he was a hard worker, loyal, stable and not the type to blow money and because I knew he valued me and what was his was mine, and vice versa.  and because we agreed on what was worth spending on and what wasnt. 8 years later, our HHI has doubled so we are a lot more comfortable, but we never, ever fight  or disagree about money. Only stupid stuff like leaving cabinets open :).

while I hope it works out, this does not sound good. DO  yourself a favor: postpone the wedding and save your pennies. If the relationship is worth fighting for, it will survive this and you will come out intact on better footing.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics