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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Honestly the more I read the more worried I get about the rabbit hole I have dug myself into.

He has no debts. Works 7 months of the year and is home for 5 and does not work when he does. He has paid off his cars and credit cards, he has a lot of money in savings.

I have 30k of student loan debt and increasing medical bills with a recent serious illness diagnosis. I *did* pay for his birthday before I had a health crisis and had been saving up for a while. I have bills that unfortunately keep piling up, hospital bills, medical bills, and today my car windshield cracked. I am feeling the financial burn. I have a $1000/month co-pay for a supply of one of the drugs i'm taking. Plus, *we* are splitting the cost of the wedding.

I cried today after posting this. He has said he will "help" with my bills but has yet to do so and I've already starting making payments on my hospital bills, and he makes generic statements like "maybe someone will mysteriously pay that bill off" without actually saying if he is helping or not. I have money in savings but with the cost of the wedding and my medical bills my savings should pretty much be depleted.

Honestly, with everything that has been going on medically with me I was hoping that I would be spoiled for my birthday. Which I why I was so upset when he suggested that I pay for half. I was really hoping that we could go away for a day or two in lieu of everything that has happened to me in the last two months.

That is why I want to be spoiled and be taken care of once in a while. Dealing with a chronic illness and working full-time is exhausting. [/quote]

PP here who said I had way more student loans than DH. I know you are upset right now but I think it will all work out for you. Once you get married, I think it will be natural for your FI to put down the down payment on your one day future home. You will pay down your medical bills and student loans. 
when the wedding bills come, you probably simply won't have the money to pay as much as your FI since you have these medical bills and he will probably pay them.

DH and I got married, paid for a honeymoon to Bora Bora and closed on our house all within 2 weeks. We did not have enough money to cover closing costs and had to borrow from MIL. With the cash we received at our wedding, thankfully we were able to pay back MIL right away. Our bank accounts were in 3 digits and we barely had enough to tip our vendors at our wedding. From then on, we were one unit and have been ever since. We did keep separate bank accounts until our first child was born. DH paid for all house - mortgage, bills, car insurance, etc. I bought all the groceries and house stuff like furniture. We both wanted our student loans gone so we put anything extra towards our loans.[/quote]

Terrible, very bad, awful advice.

What will happen naturally is what has been happening naturally so far. This dude is taking advantage of OP. Your bora bora story is irrelevant. [/quote]

I disagree. Let's say OP has 20k in savings and her FI has 75k. Wedding costs 40k and OP only has 10k. Her FI will have to kick in 30k. Then they will be married and she earns less than half what he does. She has medical bills and student loans and he will probably pay more than 50% of the household bills and she will be able to pay off more of her bills. When you enter marriage with debt, it becomes collective debt.[/quote]

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