Reply to Fiancee with moderate income insists on private school for daughter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for all the insights, they are appreciated, even the ones that chewed me out.

What is resonating most for me is, I don't want my kids to feel like less-than, that they are going to a lesser school, esp when I pay a premium to live in a neighborhood with excellent, well-regarded schools.

It also bothers me that much of her income - that should go towards our long-term goals like retirement and college for the kids - will be diverted for that purpose, and I will end up paying a disproportionate amount for the bills so she can do that.[/quote]

Your last paragraph is really the crux of the matter here and should be discussed, and I would go with a PP who mentioned having a 3rd party financial planner involved.
I would not make going to the financial planner just about this, but rather a general "I made an appt with a financial planner for us to help navigate how we are going to join expenses and make the best choices for our amazing future" kind of thing, and then let the planner lay out what impact that will have.
You will then have numbers to show her after the appointment about what it really looks like and what effect it is having on your joint lives.
Good luck OP, this is a tough one [/quote]

I'm going to disagree a bit - I think the financial planning is [b]secondary to the issue in the second paragraph that apparently the fiancee sees nothing abnormal about her DD and the OP's two children being treated disparately.[/b] This is not a family in the making.[/quote]
[b]
NP here. OP said that he does NOT want his kids to think they are being treated "less than". He see's that as an issue.[/b]

I think OP that you need to get to a place where you are comfortable with the finances before you set a wedding date. I would do some pre-marriage counseling (many couples do it, its a great idea when both people have kids, and it will help you communicate effectively about more than just money), and then follow that up with some financial counseling and planning for how much money you want to have when you retire, when you want to retire, and what needs to happen between now and then to make it happen.

It's really hard to be a single parent and save money. I know because I'm doing it. I'm putting as much money as I can toward retirement and college, I'm starting to look into my investment options, and I feel like I'm constantly juggling how to make everything work. It's really hard, and I recently took a class through my job that taught me about different investment options, and how to plan for retirement. Granted, I could never afford private school, so my kid is in a DC charter school, but saving enough is hard (and I bought a house - also hard).[/quote]

Read what I wrote "fiancee", i.e, the woman. He, OP gets it. His fiancee does not and will not get it. She's not getting that by tying up her income that impacts their collective future. These two should not marry.[/quote]

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