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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This picture is worse.

https://www.eonline.com/news/1402143/ben-affleck-goes-out-to-dinner-solo-amid-jennifer-lopez-split-rumors

Poor guy. [/quote]

What a hot mess.  And not hot in a the positive sense.  I don’t feel bad for him one bit though. [/quote]

I feel bad for him the way I feel bad for any alcoholic. I don't feel bad for him like he's some victim of his relationship. He chose this for himself.

If you've ever known an addict, you recognized the red flags on this relationship from the start. The sense he gives off like the relationship is happening to him instead of him being an active and willing participant are particularly problematic. Whatever you think about JLo, he is absolutely on the hook for the failure of this relationship.

Also, just speaking from person experience/observation (obviously I don't know these people), there is a toxic dynamic that can emerge where you have one partner who is emotionally needy and requires a lot of validation, and the other partner who withdraws. The more he withdraws, the needier she becomes because it triggers her abandonment issues. And the needier she becomes, the more he withdraws because it triggers his avoidance response. The only way to disrupt it is for BOTH partners to recognize what is happening and work through their issues. There is often a perception that the needy partner is "to blame" but they are no more culpable than the withdrawn partner. Both are acting out patterns that probably started during their childhood. Neither is more wrong than the other, it's just a very negative cycle that is hard to fix unless both people do a lot of soul searching and make the effort to come together. And even then, they may just not be suited for each other.

I will say as someone who was the "needy" partner, therapy went a long way to helping me find enough self-love and self-acceptance that I now demand less of partners. But I still would really struggle in a relationship with someone who was constantly pulling away. I may be much more mentally healthy and mature now, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't still be triggered by loving someone who always seemed to have one foot out the door. I still have abandonment issues, I'm just better at dealing with them (I would leave someone who did that to me).[/quote]

Agree with this and this points to I think why most of us are fascinated with celebs. These people are given a lot of advantages — often good looks, usually at least some level of talent, more money than most of us can dream of, and what sometimes what looks like really fun jobs, doing what you love acting or music or making cool tv shows or launching businesses, whatever.

And yet many of them still manage to have the same human experience we all do. In fact, I think some of them are more prone to addiction and things like alcoholism and divorce and dysfunction because they have so many enablers and life is made so easy for them that they can really hit rock bottom in a way that most of us don’t have the luxury to.

Aside from substances, in the case of JLO, she just never really learned the dynamics that you just expressed, and never really put in the hard hard work to break these really harmful patterns for herself and her kids.

And in both ben and JLO’s cases, they’ve tried really hard to control the narrative by putting out a $20 million documentary, planned paparazzi events, putting intimate photos on Instagram like curling up in bed this morning of your honeymoon… I mean what other celebrity has done that!?! or the countless interviews ben has done that shows he blames his partners and struggles with accountability. [/quote]

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