Reply to Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'll go. DH and I both come from generational wealth and have worked for approx. 20 years (we are 43 and 45). I will continue to work for a million reasons but the highlights are:
- Genuinely love my job (big 4 consulting; I like the subject matter, my clients, and the substantive work).
- Continuing to build nest egg for my kids and not being the generation that drops the ball. Although I recognize that family money got us to where we are today (paid for education), I'd be embarrassed to be living on what we inherited rather than what we earn.
- The biggest one: my daughters and, to a lesser extent, my young female colleagues. I am beyond disappointed by my friends who are smarter, better educated, and (formerly) higher earning than their husbands but who have chosen to SAH. I fight the gender battle every. single. day. at work and I don't think these women appreciate the larger repercussions of their decisions. They make hiring, retention, and promotion SO much harder for their daughters when they embody the stereotypes/expectations that I am always fighting against. At this point most of my friends are no longer working or have "mom" jobs (self-employed consultants, tutors, etc.), and maybe I am crazy but I hate that my young daughters are growing up in a world where they see that, where they unconsciously internalize it and what it may mean about them, and where in the workforce they will have to battle expectations not that different from what my mom fought in the 80s. That is insane to me, and it is really difficult for me to understand how my friends don't see that and what sort of example/precedent they are setting.
- I hate cooking, gardening, and cleaning, and having a job gives me an excuse to outsource them.
- Prestige. This is probably a DC/NY/SF-specific thing, but it makes me very proud to tell people my job. I especially love watching men who completely underestimate me, and saying something snappy to the (typically older) women who rudely check in all the time to see if I am still working. They are ALL expecting that at some point I'm going to cave and join my friends, which I guess gets back to the point above about feeling like those of us working are trying to carry the mantle for our daughters.

I get that in a Barbie world, it would be liberating for women to have the choice whether to remain in or leave the workforce. But men aren't doing it; so until they are, all the women doing it -- even those who feel like they have "earned it" or like it is temporary or for their kids -- disappoint me. And don't get me started on the women who are staying at home to raise the next female CEO/president -- unless they are idiots, they are lying to themselves if they don't see that this is a self-perpetuating cycle. [/quote]
 
Lol. You’re working so…your daughters and her friends might not internalize that they too can make choice to stay at home? How about recognizing the autonomy of your fellow women to make the best choices for her and for her family? I hate when feminism gets twisted into the morality of mandatory paid employment. Gross.[/quote]

Until men start becoming a SAHD, it’s not the choice and autonomy you say it is.[/quote]

It absolutely is a choice if both spouses in the marriage can make the finances work, and yes, I’ve had close friends who are SAHDs.  It’s unusual but they exist.  Where have you been?? [/quote]

Nothing you said contradicts what I said. Yes I know SAHDs. My husband was one when our kids were younger.  That means I was (and am) the breadwinner and I worked with plenty of resentful dudes who absolutely did not think they had the same choices as their wives. [/quote]

You wrote “until men start becoming a SAHD.”  That’s been happening for well over a decade now.  How does that not contradict you?  People make different choices.  Might not be one you would make, but don’t discount the ability of others to weigh the pros and cons and make those calls for themselves in a perfectly educated and competent way.  [/quote]

You can find exceptions to everything. You said it yourself SAHDs are rare. So rare that it says that men don’t have meaningful choice. (Maybe you didn’t read when you said that my husband was a SAHD?) Maybe you think because we can each identify a few that means men have meaningful choice? I disagree with that.[/quote]

That’s not at all what “rare” implies.  Men and women are different and make different choices.  We see that in choices of majors/careers, and we see that in lifestyle decisions as well.[/quote]

They make different choices, in part, because society and families expect that. Not true free choice. [/quote]

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