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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Lazy therapists always go back to “mom.”

Ask how your mom was growing up, wait for you to say something negative. That. That’s it. That’s why you are having a hard time.

It may be true; However, it doesn’t make it her fault.

Bad usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She was terrible. You can fix this somehow by blaming all of it on her.

Good usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She is probably that way, because her mom was. Because her dad was abusive. Because of the depression. Or WWII. Etc. It’s just human nature for centuries. Patterns. Here is how you escape that pattern. Here is what to do. And don’t blame her, she is also human.[/quote]

PP can’t abuse a stranger because PP has no power over a stranger. If you don’t understand how the inherent power that parents have over children intensifies what parents do, it is not surprising that you do not understand what adults who have been subjected to abuse, neglect, gaslighting, parentification, emotional incest, excessive demands for achievement, and all the rest of it are talking about. Maybe it’s good for you that you do not.
My mom was abused and she abused me. I was abused by my mom and YET I have never abused any child, most especially my own. Before you credit my mom for me not being abusive, you should know she was an alcoholic who physically, verbally and mentally abused me and she neglected my physical and emotional needs. My father abandoned the family and didn't protect me. Why am I not a monster? Short answer: you don't abuse children.[/quote]

So your Mom probably was abused more than you or worse than you or maybe she grew up with less of an education or resources than you, maybe she had more children than you. Your life is not the same as hers. You are emontionally abusing an abused woman - your mother. [/quote]

Why did she not only not protect, but abuse me? She allowed others to hit me, too. When I came to her for help, she effectively silenced me. Her abuse and neglect of me desensitized me to abuse and contributed to my tolerating dating violence. I was nearly killed by a boyfriend when I was 16. 
I never blamed my mother while she lived. I was a dutiful daughter who worked to gainmy mother's love and acceptance, which she never gave me. Tell me again how I abused her.[/quote]

Your lack of compassion for her pain is violence.
[/quote]

She caused my pain. How would you characterize her? Also, why do I not abuse children?[/quote]

She was a victim of violence and abuse too. But her pain is nothing. Yours is everything. You seem emotionally unstable so I am sure your children are suffering from your bitterness and emotional trauma, you just can't see past it and recognize how it affects them.[/quote]

You're a dunderhead. Knowing what my mother suffered gives me understanding of why she was an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. It doesn't mitigate the suffering I endure because of her treatment of me. I have decades of therapy under my belt, much of it *before having children. I am what is known as a good enough mother and my children are thriving. Like my mother, I carry the pain, shame and hurt through this life. Unlike my mother, I DO NOT take it out on others.
I think you are a pot stirring troll and likely "spank" your kids. [/quote]

This right here is an example of you perpetuating abuse. On strangers if not on your kids, although the fact that you call people names anonymously doesn’t promise well for how you treat your kids.

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