Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He is in pain and he is expressing it and you want to make it go away with a quick "I'm sorry if I anything I did contributed to your unhappiness."

Obviously that is not going to be satisfying for your son! He doesn't want a throwaway non-apology, he wants you to listen and validate his feelings.  Why not actually talk it through with him, admit that you made mistakes (specific, not a general "sorry if I made some mistakes") and explain why you did the things you did? Not to make it go away, but so he can see you that you actually care.[/quote]

I don't think he has doubts that we care. I will admit somethings were mistakes, like homeschooling - it didn't work for him, he fought it. Other things like church were not a mistake even though he doesn't attend church now. The opportunity to go to college was not a mistake. He didn't like it and his grades weren’t good, but he had the chance to try it, but dropped out. Our marriage was challenging and I wish we hid it better from the kids. We did the best we knew at the time. If these are the worse things we did, we should be forgiven.[/quote]

Don't know that you are still reading... but you say you made mistakes like the homeschooling which didn't work for him... So I assume you tried to homeschool him for kindergarten and after a few weeks/months of obvious failure, you sent him to a real school.. right???  Please don't tell me you kept him home with you for a decade plus in some weird dysfunctional failed attempt at homeschooling....  That really would be deeply creepy and abusive.

Also, reading between the lines, sounds like there was much more to this situation of forcing religion on him....

[/quote]

All parents who are religious "force religion on" their kids. Do you think anyone's kids willingly get out of bed and go to church on Sundays? Or whatever their religion happens to be? Hello, THEY DON'T. We also "force" all kinds of other things on kids, like school, behavior, etc. That's what happens when people raise their kids.[/quote]

Wow!  If the only way you get your kids to do any of this stuff is through force, your parenting abilities are somewhere between awful and non-existent!
[/quote]

LOL do you know any kids? Any families who go to church? Do you REALLY think the kids want to be there? What a joke.[/quote]

DP. My kids were happy to go to church. You're the joke. [/quote]

Sure they were.[/quote]

You're angry and clueless, and that's on you. You obviously don't know the attractions of a youth group with a great leader and lots of your friends.  [/quote]

In my experience the church youth groups are a magnet for pedo's. Not saying every adult that is involved with a youth group is weird, but there are some weirdos target kids like there.[/quote]

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