Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You apologize and listen. And listen. And apologize. And listen. And love. It’s not your turn to speak. Your kid doesn’t need your opinion or your advice. He needs you to listen and acknowledge his experience as he experienced it. It’s that simple. [/quote]

This is psychobabble. [/quote]

+1. My sil has complained to my MIL that her request to have her check in on her weekly after a surgery is “parentification” and that it’s unfair and disrespecting her boundaries. She’s 25. gtfo. SIL loves her therapist but I feel like she’s using therapy to escape any level of responsibility. [/quote]

Your MIL aaked your SIL to check in on her (MIL) weekly after surgery. Is SIL the child of MIL or married in?

Sounds to me like SIL has trauma and a need to strictly enforce her boundaries, and she's in the right. She's only 25, good for her. Kids are being taught better these days.[/quote]

“Trauma” has lost all meaning. [/quote]

"Trauma" is better understood now, to include emotional abuse as well as physical and sexual. This SIL may have very good reasons why she can't cater to MIL's requests. In a caring family, one hardly needs to ask to check in after surgery.[/quote]

This is what's wrong with you. Exactly what's wrong with you. You're assigning all kinds of defenses to SIL and assigning all kinds of malfeasance to the parents--even though you have zero details on either.

You're destroying this forum with your self-centered whining. Please, respectfully, get a decent therapist (not the one you currently have) and learn about responsibility and adulthood.[/quote]

Ha, I am hardly the only one here, and you don't know me. I am an adult, and probably better at it than you. Details of story are not enough to make a determination, which is why I said SIL "may have" good reason. It's possible, right? Things we don't know: is it a mother/daughter pair or an IL pair? Who else is in the picture taking care of the MIL? What's the history of the relationship? Etc. It very well could be too burdensome of an "ask" for SIL, depending on the circumstances that we don't know.

[b]I always default to the child's side, or the adult child's side, because it's almost always an issue of abuse/trauma/toxic parenting,[/b] which our culture allows and ignores. There are always exceptions, but abuse/trauma and toxic parenting is so common that it's an excellent bet and default position.

[/quote]

Nope. Many times well-meaning parents spoil their kids horribly and raise selfish, entitled brats like SIL and you. [/quote]

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