Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is always the parents fault and I am not being sarcastic.[/quote]

Op here, I will say that DH was my most challenging kid. He was headstrong and demanding from the time he was a baby. He was rarely content and cried a lot as a baby. He fought potty training and putting on clothes. I would dress him, he would take it off.  If we wanted him do his chores, he would argue about why it was unfair or he shouldn't have to do it - for a much longer time than the chore would take. He dropped out of college and blamed us because shouldn't have made him go in the first place. This is his personality.[/quote]

My first born was essentially born with eeyore’s personality. I am the root of all his issues in his mind. I made mistakes I’m sure, but as his younger sister said - he doesn’t own any of his own sh*t ever, and seems to prefer a life of loud desperation[/quote]

An adult who hasn't stepped up to own their life decisions and mistakes is still living as a child. What good does it do to go into therapy and not feel like you have the power to change your own behavior and life - blaming mom and dad is easy, changing your thinking and habits is hard adulting. I think there are a lot of adults on here who just want to blame other people for their adult problems. [/quote]

Fully agree with this. In the absence of abuse, adults do need to move past what they perceive to be shortcomings in their parent’s parenting and move forward with their lives.

I have an acquaintance who believes himself to be brilliant and is still mad at his parents for not sending him to a private school and investing more in his education when he was young because he thinks that he would be successful and making a lot more money now if they had. At some point, if you are blaming your parents for sending you to public school instead of private and you are now in your 30s it’s a you problem not a them problem. If you’re so brilliant why haven’t you done anything in your adult life to indicate that? I’m sorry but having a parent who didn’t show up to every game or a parent who couldn’t afford to send you to a fancy school or a parent who struggled to connect with you as a teen isn’t a trauma. It’s a copout to blame everything you’re going through as an adult on your parents and this line of thinking is becoming all too common[/quote]

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