Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Making someone's life better than your own doesn't necessarily mean they had a GOOD life. If you were beaten twice a day and you only beat your child once a week, you still beat your child, you see?

Saying "I'm sorry if I contributed to your unhappiness...." is not a real apology. It's the word "if" that's the problem. You need to change it to the word "that".

But lets review what he's saying: his parents were fighting, you wouldn't let him be an independent thinker regarding religion, and on top of all that, he was isolated via homeschooling. Yeah, [b]who wouldn't be upset by all that[/b]?! [/quote]

An adult who recognizes their parent was doing the best they could for their child at the time. An adult who accepts responsibility for making their own life choices that got them to where they are at 30. Most parents raise their children in their own religion at least until they are 18/an adult and start making religious decisions.  There's nothing wrong with home schooling and once you turn 18 you can decide how you want to learn. An adult who recognizes their parents are humans and human interactions are complicated and their parents may not always portray ideal communication with each other. The 30year old needs to grow up and take responsibility for their current lot in life. [/quote]

+100 An mature adult child owns their life choices and their issues. At some point, they stop running back to mommy and daddy with their problems.[/quote]

This is true. And in my case, being a mature adult meant cutting my parents out of my life.  If that's your goal for your relationship with your adult children, congrats, you are on track.  [/quote]

Just remember that your own kids are watching how you treat your parents and they will think it's pretty normal to cut ties with you one day.[/quote]

If I treated my kid like my parents treated me, I would want him to cut ties.  As he gets older I fully expect to give him more details about the family so he will understand.

But nice - so you both think that parents can treat their children however they want, and that children have a duty to their parents?  Sorry, no, does not work that way.  [/quote]

You are already harming your kid by keeping his grandparents from him. So when he is an adult and they are passed, he will ask you 'Why didn't you let me see my grandparents?' I wish I had grandparents like my friends. See how that works? You are all about you and not thinking about what you are doing to your kid.
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They aren't like other grandparents, though, which is the point. My in laws refused to not smoke inside their house when we came to visit with our babies. They were offended when we asked to open a window. They wouldn't come to our house because they weren't allowed to smoke. They chose cigarettes over their grandkids. They were in a power struggle of their own making. We just wanted our kids to know their grandparents, they just wanted to blow smoke in their faces. Wtf is up with that?[/quote]

The smoke is avoidable by meeting up outside. My parents were cigarette fiends too, they were completely addicted. Kids made them nervous, so they needed the cigs.[/quote]

No, they didn’t “need the cigs.” How asinine.[/quote]

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