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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, be sure to bookmark this thread. Come back to it if there is any question of travelling together again.

I'd still want to visit with the parents who raised me and whom I love, even if it is complicated. I'd have a few rules for myself:

1. Stay at a hotel if I visit their place, even if I am alone. Set this precedent now. I can always spend as much time as I want with them, but this way if and when DH ever comes, it's not suddenly a big thing that there is a hotel involved.

2. Meet them at places, don't travel together. If we are meeting at a place, know how the rooms will shake out. Either it's some space that is big enough to accommodate them as is (doesn't matter if they cancel or come), or I know there is no bunking in my family's space (e.g., I know the hotel limits to a certain number of people per room, so they have to get their own).

3. As someone mentioned above, always be super clear about the plan from the very first communication. Then stick to it.

Best wishes.[/quote]

We have similar boundaries with one of our set of parents, and they have been super helpful in improving our relationship. Another one is we never stay together in the same space for more than around 3 hours. We noticed years ago that our parents would devolve in their behavior after a few hours and start saying inappropriate things, bringing old painful memories, etc. So we set the time limit and it has worked well- quit while you are ahead.

We used to dread seeing them and now look forward to it because we mostly have positive experiences. They used to grumble about the boundaries (why won't you stay with us? Etc) but now are fine with it. Because we look forward to the visits now we are in much better moods and usually have a nice time.[/quote]

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