Reply to Holding my boundary. Let him be mad.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. He did eventually clean up the sand. I asked if he wanted to go see a family-friendly concert together next weekend. I’m trying to make deposits and cultivate shared positive time.

I am trying to smile and find positive things to dwell on.

A part of me longs for the vibe, space, and just overall feeling I had last week while he was gone. My energy and mood were totally different. I didn’t feel on edge. This home felt calm, clean, peaceful. I’m really trying to “not sweat the small stuff” and come from a place of gratitude. I swear I am. But it’s hard. I’m jsut being honest. Last night he ordered take out dinner for himself, and himself alone. I guess he was craving a specific place. I guess the food was good because he went to bed and left the plate on the counter, with food and crumbs everywhere, counter and floor. It never ends. I said to him this morning “I cleaned it up last night, but please put food away and wipe up food spills.” Him: “what food? Didn’t realize I left anything out”

It’s exhausting. He has always been messy but it’s been taken up a notch in the last few years. Legitimately does not clean up after himself. It’s gross and thoughtless and I’m not a maid.

I want peace in my home and I know that starts with me. Does that really mean laughing off these things as eccentricities and choosing to sweep it all under the rug?[/quote]

This is not really about co parenting or boundaries, it’s about your spouse having being messy at least in your eyes.  You married him knowing this but maybe the added burdens of parenting have made it more of an issue for you than it was before. Look no partner is perfect. It doesn’t seem like he is unkind or not listening to you when you speak up. But you aren’t going to make a person who has been messy his whole life change. Your choice is your response to it. I’d suggest meeting somewhere in the middle and outsourcing more. [/quote]

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