Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you comment on this thread please list how many kids you have raised. And their ages so we can understand your experience or lack of it.

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Five kids.  32 (married with a child), 29 (married with a child), 27 (single), 25 (engaged), 20 (in college).  Great relationships with all five.  Two of them are in therapy.  One is a military officer with PTSD.  The other has struggled with anxiety and an eating disorder.

I posted earlier that I would apologize for anything I might have done to contribute to their hurt.  And I would remind them over and over again that I love them unconditionally and that nothing could ever change that.

I was certainly far from a perfect parent.  I did the best I could with the knowledge and experience I had at the time.  I made mistakes along the way, of course.  I would openly acknowledge any hurt I caused and apologize.  I would also ask what I could do to help in the healing process. [/quote]

OHMYGOD

My mother did this.  "I apologize for everything I ever did your entire life that might have hurt you".  Then later when I told her I'm queer and the horrible things she said to me about being LGBT didn't count because she apologized for every single thing that she's ever done in her entire life.[/quote]

You need to understand that most parents are afraid for their LGBT adult children and the difficulties they will face. So if they can't accept it, they may be in denial and overcome by fear for their kid. There is also an element of broken dreams that parents had for their kid, how their kids life and wedding and grandkids would happen. When you say 'I'm gay', they hear, my life is not going to be as you hoped. That doesn't mean they don't love you.[/quote]

And then, if that was the parent's reaction, they would need to do a LOT of apologizing and listening when their adult child came to them and disclosed how painful it had been to be rejected for being LGBT. [/quote]

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