Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom made it her mission to let us know the marriage imploded because my dad cheated. It was sort of obvious he cheated because he ended up with his AP.

But she still dwells on it. And I love mom but she has some major issues including likely a narcissistic personality (and I know that is a rare diagnosis but she really fits the bill).

It's one thing to let the kids know if you must, but to dwell on it or to use it to triangulate the kids will backfire[/quote]

My mom spent many years raging about her father and XH being narcissists. It took me a long time to realize that [i]she [/i]was also a narcissist. Can't tell her that, though, as she would never accept it and would just lash out at me.

And yes, everything she said about our dad being a cheater (obvious to us because he ended up with his AP) came from her narcissism and desire to enlist us as allies in her war against him. This is more often than not the reason people insist you [i]must [/i]tell the kids (not "honesty" or however they rationalize it).[/quote]

No one is insisting on saying anything. The OP was asking if there was a reasonable age to tell them. There is no insist in that ask or others' responses. I feel bad you don't get along with your mom so much. Maybe she is a narcissist. Maybe she just wanted you to acknowledge the cheating was wrong one time. I have no idea. I don't know you or your mom or what you did in detail to try to move forward and by this time I really don't care. I've heard your story too much by now. It's on every page of this thread. We know she was a narcissist already. I don't know why you keep repeating it.[/quote]

Oh I get along with my mom just fine, because I don't say anything to her that sounds even remotely like criticism.  :lol:

My mom has never moved forward from her divorce, that's the problem. She is still mad about things that happened in 1970 and she will never not be mad about them. There's nothing I can do about that, it's up to her. (She's also mad about things her dad did in the 1940s and 1950s.)

Plenty of people in this thread have insisted that you [i]must [/i]tell the kids and have sought to shame people who don't tell the kids.[/quote]

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