Reply to How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?

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Reply to "How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How do people live with themselves knowing that they inflicted such despair on another person? [/quote]

You mean by having an affair or by consigning their spouse to a life of quiet desperation?

I live with myself just fine. My husband pursued me heavily, had kids with me, and proceeded to check out emotuonally, spending months and sometimes years in cycles of self pity and depression. He's gone to therapy. We've done couples counseling. He's a reasonably good father and the kids like their lives. He's also completely uninterested in human intimacy and deeply resents that I'm not miserable and depressed like he is.

My choices were to break up my children's home, be lonely and sexless starting before age 40, or find intimacy elsewhere. Y husband has a great deal: I do 90% of household and parenting tasks, earn as much as he does, keep a social calendar with his friends, take care of his sick relatives when needed, and no longer hassle him for things he doesn't want to give or can't give.

My AP is in the same boat. He's a meal ticket, he does a ton of the heavy lifting as a parent, he's taking care of his lower functioning spouse without complaint.

I sleep well at night because we've both given up far more for our spouses than they have for us.  I'd sleep better in the same bed with my loved one but our kids come first, so this is what wr have. [/quote]

I was exactly in your shoes but I chose to separate. Why live a series of lies?[/quote]

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