Reply to I just bagged up all of DS' toys...and I'm giving them away

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh this thread is making me want to cry. I hate being reminded how many kids are raised in homes where they are raged at regularly, hit, etc (yeah sugarcoat it all you want  with the authoritarian parenting method of your choice). I do understand original OP's frustration, my preschooler son has terrible days/weeks too, I really get it. But so sad for this kid and all the kids who get raised like this. By the way, I teach teenagers and it takes about 3 seconds to tell who was raised in an angry home. These kids do NOT grow up to be well-behaved. They grow up to lash out just the way their parents lashed out at them. And that's the ugly, sad truth. [/quote]

I agree this is a sad thread, PP. Just one observation. If you're using patterns of lashing-out behavior as your sole, or even primary, criterion for identifying the kids who grow up in angry homes, you're missing some. I've worked with model students who grew up in dysfunctional homes where anger and violence were part of the fabric of their lives (so to speak). Not to say the model students didn't have issues; those issues just didn't manifest as anger. [b]Instead, you might see overly-careful/correct behavior, excessive tentativeness, etc.[/b] [/quote]

This. So much this. If virtually anything can set off an absolute minefield by unpredictable and often angry parents, you could easily see kids who are effectively terrified constantly. And in my opinion obedience or compliance with authority simply because they are authority figures is not something to strive for -- that doesn't teach kids to be good people or to make the decision to behave in responsible, ethical ways; it results in blind obedience to anyone in a position to inflict suffering for failure to comply, and it is the kind of upbringing that might result in people who go along with something they know to be wrong simply because an individual in a position of power insisted upon it. History doesn't exactly lack examples of why that is not a good thing.

How can anyone expect to raise kids who respect other people, manage their emotions, and make decisions based on logic and values, if the parents and primary role models raise the children in a reactionary home?[/quote]

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