Reply to I just bagged up all of DS' toys...and I'm giving them away

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Reply to "I just bagged up all of DS' toys...and I'm giving them away"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I read your post and a few thoughts passed through my mind. First of all, I'm sorry this has brought you to your breaking point but consider the fact that this could serve as a pivotal turning point for all of you. It can cause you to re-evaluate your approach to mothering. It's possible that another approach to disciplining him will bring more positive results to your child's behavior.

I personally have zero tolerance for any defiant behavior from a child. [b]Children have a strong self will and need to learn to submit to authority whether they want to or not[/b]. This is best done at a young age; in fact the younger the better. The child needs to learn very early on there are negative consequences to negative behavior. That doesn't mean it has to be a spanking on the bare bottom every time, although that approach is extremely effective when done with consistency reserved for defiant behavior, but it can be something that will reinforce who is boss in the household. If the child is not used to an authority figue in his life and is given way to many choices without repercusion, then a parent is growing a monster without even realizing it.

[url]http://bit.ly/2d4yG4n

The attached link takes you to some amazing articles that I believe will give you some confidence in dealing with your son. Take a moment to read them over. I would love to discuss this more with you if you'd like. Sending you a blessing momma.[/quote

Only related to this individual post but heads up - that link goes to some Focus on the Family crap. My mother parented me using Focus on the Family methodologies. I'm almost 40 and I still hate her for it. Her reactions to my behavior seemed irrational and severe even when I was a child. I never knew when I was going to be punished or to what degree of severity - as I got older it only got worse. So consider that when using these methodologies.  [/quote]

This is all false, but particularly the idea that submission/obedience = good character.  At the heart of discipline is self-discipline.  A child who is 4 is still mastering this and needs to build it up slowly. Self-discipline means having the ability to focus, initiate projects, control your body and later your voice and expressions, make healthy choices and abide by them. In order to develop these capacities, a child needs to see an adult who is self-disciplined. Not an adult who is getting into a lot of power struggles with someone younger and less capable.  Children learn by imitation and natural consequences. An authority figure who is self-disciplined, helps the child reason out natural consequences, is fair and calm, etc. will always be a better role model than one who insists merely on blind submission and uses force or violence to obtain this goal. A child will "obey" out of love but will not understand the basis for this behavior, and it will be perceived and chaotic and abusive. [/quote]

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