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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP's  daughter sounds a lot like me at that age.  Short version: being  a hardass and showing  who is boss  and "dominant" doesn't work on every kid. [b]OP does not want to start the war of control[/b].[/quote]

OP already is in a war of control. She's losing badly. She should have been preparing for this throughout childhood by setting consistent expectations and enforcing them.

[/quote]

I don't think you have a 13 y.o. DD.  And OP said that this is NEW behavior.  So she's not had to enforce this before.

War of control backfires with some teens because at one point in their development, their brains crave drama. OP's teen might be in this phase because OP said that she was creating drama about another girl and got caught.  If you have it out with your teen while in this phase of brain development, you hard-wire their BAD behavior because your response gives their brain the drama they are seeking.  So all the stuff that worked with the younger kids doesn't work during this phase.  Giving any emotion toward this IS a reward to their brain, thus the backfiring of that approach.

I'm the PP who recommended the book Yes, Your Teen is Crazy! (and other DCUMers recommended it to me last year).  It very much helped. [/quote]

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