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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband and I are separating.  It isn't what I want, but he no longer resembles the man I married.  He had an affair with a co-worker about a year ago, and I *think* they ended things, but we've been unable to fix our marriage.  He told me last night that the love they had was so amazing, so pure, and so intense that he now believes our 15+ year marriage was a mistake.  Barf.  SUPPOSEDLY this other woman is in counseling with her husband.  I really, really, really want to contact her husband and let him know that whatever happened between his wife and my husband has led to the dissolution of our marriage.  I feel he has a right to know, and I'd want to know if I were in his shoes.

On a separate issue, we are telling the kids this weekend.  Both children are in lower elementary grades.  Can someone who has been through this tell me what it was like when you did it?  I expect tears, anger, confusion.  I'm committed to holding the line that mommy and daddy both love them and that this is very sad, and that I wish we could all be together but that it just can't happen now.  [/quote]

Focus on your kids and their needs. They will need all your attention and energy. Devoting any thought or energy to the other woman and her relationship is just a revenge instinct that might make you feel satisfaction initially but will not benefit anyone in the long run.

It takes amazing focus and strength not to use your children against one another or try (consciously or subconsciously) to win them over to your side while painting your spouse in a bad light. They don't need and cannot fully understand "an affair". I suggest never telling them about it. They will likely always long to see you together but they also know they are a product of both of you. Any negative qualities that are pointed out, they will begin to wonder if they are also that way (my dad cheated, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that I have an affair). Be strong and get along for their sake. They didn't have a say in this. [/quote]

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