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[quote=Anonymous]NP here who left an abusive ex.

Before I left, there were days when I would fantasize about him getting into a car wreck. I still occasionally have those thoughts, when he's being a real dick to me. But they pass. Overall, I have wished him well since leaving, because (a) his well-being affects how well he parents our child and how he acts toward me, (b) I don't gain anything from wishing him ill, and (c) I know that there is a decent person in there also, trapped in a web of dysfunction that stems from his own unfortunate upbringing, and he already suffers daily from its aftereffects. Because of that, I feel sorry for him. If he were a flat-out a-hole instead, maybe my perspective would be different too.

I hated an abusive parent for many years, until I realized that hate is a corrosive emotion that only further harms the person who feels the hate. It does not improve my life if other people suffer, except insofar as some level of suffering can give people the ability to appreciate happiness more, and to feel compassion for others. But overall, if people are happy, they don't act like a-holes to other people, and we all benefit.[/quote]

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