Reply to Help Needed for 12 YO - Out of Control/Defiant

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Reply to "Help Needed for 12 YO - Out of Control/Defiant"

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[quote=Anonymous]Not a fan of RTCs.  However, I would definitely consider it as a plan for my child. "We cannot live any longer with your out of control behavior.  For peace in our family, you must attend therapy.  If you will not do therapy we will send you to an RTC because the situation at home has become intolerable for us."

The key is you set the boundaries and make the child aware the the boundaries are for YOUR benefit and not for him.  In other words, this isn't I am your mother and I know what is good for you.  It's that his behavior has crossed a line you cannot accept.  The consequence for that is therapy.  Yes, we hope that is good for him but that is less the point than the fact is that this is the consequence you chose to keep YOUR boundaries from being violated. He doesn't get to question it.  Since it's almost impossible to get an unwilling kid to therapy, you set another consequence to maintain YOUR boundary, that is, the RTC.

Very important to pre-announce consequences for violating your boundaries in advance, as well as to state what the consequence after that will be if consequence 1 doesn't do the trick.  Also very important to carry through on consequences--so make sure they are ones you will actually do.  Empty threats make the situation worse.[/quote]

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