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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Convincing women that they need to have sex with their husbands "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] Why is the default continuous sex?[/quote] Because of the expectation of monogamy. It is unreasonable, IMO, for one spouse who has lost interest in sex to continue to insist on monogamy. The other spouse did not promise celibacy, nor is it reasonable to interpret a promise of monogamy made when a relationship was sexual to transform into a promise of celibacy when the marriage becomes non-sexual. [/quote] This is the heart of it. Indeed, unless you were asexual before the marriage, and were pretty explicit and open that that is how you are, then you created an expectation that the marriage contract, which included monogamy, also included sex. If you change that - your libido dries up and you just don't want sex anymore, then you've broken the contract. Did your marriage vows include celibacy? Nope. If people are going to be all legalistic and score keeping about it, the person who unilaterally withdraws from sex is the person who broke the contract, and once it's broken the other person is freed from the monogamy requirement. However, that's the kind of reasoning immature children use. Reasonable adults talk and arrive at compromises. [quote=Anonymous]What is the benefit of an open marriage vs just divorcing? I guess I don't see why anyone would agree to have an open marriage. What other aspects of the marriage are they so tied to that they would want their partner to be constantly out on the prowl?[/quote] Like another poster said: there is a LOT more to marriage than just sex. If your partner can't stand seeing musicals, or going fishing, you wouldn't have the slightest problem letting them find a friend to go to the theater or fishing with, would you? You can simply outsource that part of your marriage. If you aren't interested in sex, then outsource that too. Sex is different because people who have sex often catch feelings - more often anyway than with fishing or musical theater - but in truth: if you do too little of anything together, you risk growing apart and getting attached to the people you DO do things with.[/quote]
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