Reply to Infertility and my crumbling marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - to answer a few questions:

1. I can carry a baby, but my eggs are bad so I cannot conceive a healthy child.

2. I'm 41; he's mid-50s. Married 3 1/2 years.

3. We asked my sister to donate because she's much younger than me. She was uncomfortable with it but agreed because she wanted to help. Ultimately she couldn't go through with it. My husband can't understand her decision and also faults my parents for not "being supportive" of him or maybe not stepping in, or... I don't know what. He just hates everyone related to me now.

4. 10:56 - your point about him projecting his anger on them because it wouldn't be acceptable to blame me and my rotten eggs is a wise insight.

5. Adoption is very expensive and can take years. We're too old. Nobody is going to give us an infant. Donor eggs are also extremely expensive. We've already spent a tremendous amount of money on failed treatments that haven't worked. We are not wealthy people.[/quote]

Re: #5. Even if your sister would have done this for you, all you'd be saving would be ~$8-12k in donor fees, compared to the basic costs at Shady Grove or one of the other local infertility clinics. (Unless I'm missing something, like you need some really rare ethnicity, or you were only going for Ivy League donors or something like that which would require going to an expensive donor pool).  You'd still have to pay out-of-pocket for the cycle and meds and everything.  if having your sister donate was within reach financially, then donor eggs should also be doable, even if you have to wait another year or two to save up. most clinics will do donor egg up to maternal age 45 without really batting an eye (and older than that, with conditions), so you still have a couple of years to make that decision.

I'm a similar age to you and have gone through numerous cycles, with no baby.  Also now looking at donor egg.  I completely understand the stress and mourning, but your husband's reaction seems out of control. Hopefully you can take some time and work it out (or decide to go it alone without him).  Good luck![/quote]

I'm puzzled too. If donor eggs are so expensive for you right now, which is only $12k additional, how the heck are you guys going to afford raising a kid? Maybe ultimately divorce is a better option. [/quote]

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