Reply to Did anyone ever marry you/others felt was not an intellectual equal? How did it turn out?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a woman; I have a platonic male friend.  We both have very elite academic backgrounds and professions and are married or engaged to partners who do not.  The partners are not airheads by any means but don't read the same books, magazines, have the same interests in politics.  Among our friend groups, which overlap a little, we may be the only ones who haven't partnered up with someone of equal educational "pedigree"'or earning power.  The partners have other stellar qualities--humor, great dad (for my husband), beauty (for my friend's fiancée).  But my friend keeps harping on it and making excuses for his partner.  Has this been an issue in your relationship?  is it different if the partner is a man, because of breadwinner expectation, or woman, because of bimbo stereotype?[/quote]''

[b]I haven't read all the responses, but I have a gut reaction to your post which is: you're a snob.  The fact that you believe "elite academic backgrounds" are the primary indicator of intellect suggests this to me - you confuse the symbol with the substance.  [/b]I've worked my entire life in academia, and I promise you that there are plenty of terminal degree morons out there, even in STEM.  There are many gifted autodidacts and others from non-elite institutions.

However, yes, if there is an intellectual mismatch - like any other signficant mis-match on fundamentals (politics, religion, children, sex, etc.) then there will be problems. You should never, ever marry someone who you don't respect, and by that I mean: consider your equal.  If you are marrying someone you look down on (intellectually or otherwise) then you lack fundamental respect for them and it will doom your relationship.  I would suggest that an intellectual is defined by curiosity and desire to absorb information.  Pedigree is a completely orthogonal metric.  The fact that you are framing things in terms of academic pedigree suggests to me you feel that your partner and your friend's partner are inferior.  I don't know about your friend, but you should do your fiance a favor and let them go.

[/quote]

Love this entire reply.  Had to look up "orthogonal metric" though.  Guess that's my intellectual curiosity bursting out....[/quote]

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