Reply to I don't love my husband and don't think I ever did

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband and I have two children together. The youngest is 4 months. I do not feel like I love my husband anymore. Not sure if I ever did. We had happy moments but nothing that swept me off of my feet. We married, had children, have stable jobs, and blah blah blah. We did what we were supposed to do. However, something is missing. There is no spark. There is no flame. What do I do if there was never a flame? I rather spend time with the kids than with him. Do not get me wrong though... He is a good guy. Not mean, a good provider, and all that good stuff. What am I missing that I desire? I have no post partum depression. I love my kids, enjoy going out, being with co workers.... It's just him. I'm angry at myself for not loving him like I should when he has done nothing. We are highly sexual people and have sex all of the time so that is not it. Advice?[/quote]

Why is everyone looking for a spark? When you hang out with your coworkers and have a good time, is there a spark? When you chill with your kids at bed time, is there a spark? Love is not about an aha moment or a connection that feels like butterflies. It's about being with someone you can be honest and vulnerable with. I've come to the realization that I'm not like most people on this board or in this area. But I value a person based on who they are, their content. I love them for that. I don't expect magical moment from or with anyone. Are you honest? Hardworking? Kind? Do you listen? Do you value me? Then I'm good. This is a relationship I want. Sparks die. A good companionate (maybe I invented the word) love is what will see us through in our 80s. [/quote]

NP here. Yes, when I hang out with coworkers there is excitement and energy. And with my kids there is magic in that they say things that amaze and delight me.

How can you want to be honest and vulnerable with someone who has completely alienated you, or is like a coworker you don't particularly get along with?

To the PP who is a DH in a happy marriage, what if you both try but, for example, when you get each other little gifts they are just off or wrong, because you aren't compatible and don't "get" each other? What if you like different foods so it is hard to cook together or for each other? Maybe when you were dating you compromised more to be agreeable, you pretended to like the little gifts to be polite (and you thought it was nice that the person even tried to get gifts), and you possibly didn't fully realize your own tastes and even values until later. Or you just changed. Maybe you both changed and what was once right or at least okay became wrong.

From reading all the great posts above: Perhaps one crucial requirement is for each person to know who they truly are, and to authentically be living the life they want to live, before choosing a partner. 
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