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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here -- I was wallowing needlessly. And yes -- I DID change the non-relevant details though I'm fairly sure they aren't reading here.

I realize I have it pretty good too -- it's just when you see people who have always shirked work in a[b] $4 million home[/b] that you'll never have no matter how hard you work, you wonder why you work so hard . . . . But I realize my financial decisions are my own and I'm in a 1 bedroom in NoVA after 10 yrs in biglaw + inhouse bc I'm probably too financially conservative and just haven't cared about real estate like others have. I've never felt "settled" career-wise -- went thru the early part of biglaw thinking, save as much as you can in case you get pushed out as a 3rd yr (my firm was big on culling the size of the class before promoting people to midlevels); then when I made it to being a senior it was -- save all you can, you likely won't make this much forever; then when it was moving here for in-house it was -- don't know if I'll like it here/like the job, so let's  not commit too much financially. So maybe I need to change my own ways a bit . . . .[/quote]

I am the person who talked about being happy with what you have and not assuming that other people have some deep dark secret... it's just stuff, OP.  In the end, it's utterly and completely meaningless.  You mental state, your contentment or lack thereof, is way more important than the stuff you have.  There will always be people who have more beautiful homes without having worked a day in their lives.  So what?  Why does it even matter?  Do you think, sitting in some luxurious home is going to make you a happier person, or a better person?  More likely than not, if you owned a $4 million home you'd probably feel the exact same way that you feel right now.  I live in a house, I used to live in a 1 bedroom apartment.  I really love my home and I really loved my tiny old apartment.  But I can vouch that neither of them had much of an impact on my mental state.  I'm the exact same person I was then.  I have bad days and good days for virtually the same reasons.[/quote]

OP here -- I get what you're saying. It's just stuff. And obviously I'm made decisions not to purchase a ton of stuff. But I guess I think -- doesn't contentment to some extent come from accomplishment? How could it not? So if I was living in a $4 million home -- would I be thinking -- wow all my hard work has been worth it, look at this home I got to buy??[/quote]

No.  You'd be thinking how do I furnish this house to the standard it needs?  Are the cleaning people doing a good job?  Is the maintenance going well?  Do I need a better car to match the better house?  Etc etc etc.  [/quote]

Not necessarily.  We are wealthy, and that brings considerable peace of mind.  It doesn't mean we're amazingly happier every day than we'd be if we were only 1/3 as fortunate, but neither does it mean that we just fret about stupid things like the quality of maid service.

To go back to the OP's question, however, I don't see how having friends who seem to be living off their extended family should make her feel like a loser.  If anything, I'd think it might make her feel more accomplished and self-sufficient.  [/quote]

This poster makes an interesting point, but I don't think this post really helps OP.  When my financial situation improved, I decided that I was going to treat money as a tool, not something I worship.  This is a deliberate decision.  If I feel that money gives me "peace of mind," than that means that everything would go to shit if I somehow lost all my money.  People think that they will never lose their money or their status once they reach a certain point, but that's not necessarily true.  So I don't go that route.  I'm not stressed out about money, but I know what I am- I'm resourceful.  If the worst should happen, I will make a way to take care of myself.  If I encounter a money problem- I will find a way out of it.  If I have a health problem or a relationship problem, I will fight to fix it.  And I know that if I go down, it won't be without a fight.  That's what gives me peace of mind.  Not money.  So many people on this board seem so miserable because they want to be where the poster above is- where money gave her "peace of mind."  I don't know how wealthy pp is, but I think that's all an illusion.  Peace of mind should come from God or your good chi or whatever you believe in, not from money or an external "thing."[/quote]

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