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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP , Please recognize that you are using the golden rule to the extreme.

You have the money and you control what happens. My advice is that you are being for too cheap and that you are maybe only four years away from her not needing any of your money.  My roommate in college had everything paid for by her very generous parents.  That would be great except they would pull out "we pay for everything" anytime they had a chance.  If they came to visit for the weekend (which they did when there was a football game) she was expected to do everything that they asked and never have plans or an opinion on anything.  Literally one of her fathers favorite lines (which I heard a number of times) was "DD if I want to hear your opinion on something, I'll tell you what to think. Now know your place and hush".  Her father used the same thing with her mother who for some reason was more than OK with it.

[b]After graduation she had enough of her father and gradually cut him out of her life. It was very sad and highlighted that a one way relationship dictated by one person who has all the power has the potential to blow-up in the future.
[/b]
Tread carefully and discuss this with your daughter.  Listen to her and try to agree on a plan.[/quote]

NP. My father behaved very similarly with regard to $ meaning total control.  I worked as hard as I could to get a full-ride merit scholarship for undergrad, but even with school costs 100% paid by my efforts he was still supporting me on breaks/in summers/with non-school expenses such as medical insurance. Therefore, he exercised almost total control over my college major selection, courses, activities, summer plans, and to some extent even my friendships... with the understanding that *if* I wanted to be welcome as a member of the family when school was not in session, this was how it would be because he was still investing his hard-earned $ in me and had a vested interest in seeing that turn out well. I can see his point, but I have to say it also felt somewhat unfair and ended up fairly severely altering my choices from what they otherwise would have been. Due to some health issues I wasn't able to take on enough hours at work to afford to completely support myself, so I put up with this. Until the day I didn't have to, when I got a full-time job that started 2 weeks after college graduation and managed to budget to totally support myself. Once I no longer needed him, I limited contact with both of my parents fairly severely for years so that I could finally live my own life.

I know this might be somewhat extreme, but I submit it as a cautionary tale for OP to consider the way that money might or might not tie into power & control in his relationship with his daughter and make sure it's playing the role he intends it to.[/quote]

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