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[quote=Anonymous]OP here

Cant remember who said it but whoever said that this is the first of many instances where I have to deal with this is correct.
It seems like many pp are hung up on the details of the divorce. I opted not to add to much detail about that to my first post because A: Its long and B: Like another pp has said regardless of any other reasons I personally don't want her there

So a couple things to consider. First is this will be a small wedding, less than 10 guest more than likely. I've made it clear that I only want those who have been there for my whole journey through life and those who had a profound impact on making me the man I am today. So the cost will be rather low.

To give a little more clarity on the divorce I know all the details because neither of them would shut up about it, they still don't. Nothing gets spared when you are grown and a divorce goes down. The first time I met this woman I was 11. I was with my father at his work when we stopped by OW office. I remember him telling me "she's a fox" on the way out and being weirded out by it. She's a media rep and she's always had something to gain from him. She coveted my mothers life and they would get together and commiserate about their spouses over drinks and who knows what else under the guise of business.
My dad is short fat and hairy and she's attractive enough to date someone much younger. No reasonable human being could look at them and go boy I bet she gets so wet when she thinks about him. Its ridiculous.

This woman was an integral part of my dad and moms life. They traveled, attended events and were "friends" the OW made repeated attempts to have a personal "friendship" with my mom. Even the people my dad is around in the professional world at the time would ask my mom in private "what's going on between them?" And she would shake it off. My father would tout how loyal he is and how he would never leave her because she was there before he was successful when we had nothing. But my father is the type of man to never be alone. As soon as the OW was ready to divorce my dad served papers. He didn't even tell me she was why he was doing it.

My mom is not a saint by any means, in a lot of respects she's bat shit crazy. But the way my dad carried it not just with her but with me I  just couldn't respect or get behind.

The woman I refer to as my mom is my step mom. My real mother is bipolar abusive and an addict. She left us when I was six months old and two months later my step mom came on the scene. Even when my bio mom came back when I was 4 trying to be mother of the year even though she was u medicated and coked out my step mom loved me and picked up the pieces when my real mom shattered me .She gave up a lucrative career and 23 years of her life to raise me and my brother. She raised us like we were her own and at the time my dad was my age and bankrupt with 3 failed.business ventures. She earned every penny she got in the divorce and the right to be at my wedding and celebrate her son without the distractions and issues.

I know there is validity to what others are saying about me picking sides, about what is proper and not proper and that this is unlikely to change and that he has likely chosen the OW over everything. But he lied to me, he lied to my mom. He didn't even have the balls to tell me when he was going forward with the divorce or the real reason why. I ran into them in Bethesda a year ago and that's how I found out.

The reason why i am dealing with this now is because i am planning on doing a destination wedding and then roll into the honeymoon. So if elopment is what were are going to do i need to know now, and if people are going to be there we need to know now.

I appreciate all the feedback so much. I dont know what i am going to do as of yet but i do know that deep in my heart and from a moral stand point I'm not okay with the OW/new SO being there and i wouldn't be okay with asking my mom to endure that. And i know that its all i will be able to focus on when i should be focused on family and my wife to be.

I just wish he wanted to be there regardless. I couldn't fathom not wanting to be at my future children's weddings.[/quote]

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