Reply to Is it okay to divorce a remorseful cheater when you have kids?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Is it okay to divorce a remorseful cheater when you have kids?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I agree with 22:41. It's like he's saying he doesn't want to look inside himself to figure out why this happened. If he doesn't know why, what triggered it, what the circumstances were, then he can't prevent it in the future.

I'll draw an analogy with suicide. People who are suicidal are counseled that you have risk factors and protective factors. You have a safety plan and when you find yourself thinking too much about death you follow the steps on your plan.

I think he should have something like this. He needs an awareness of when he's feeling lonely, or needs more attention, and in those times to watch out that he's not traveling more, or spending more time with a particular woman. It's fine for him to have needs for love and affection (if that's what was going on - we'll never know if he doesn't look) but he needs to meet those needs in his marriage. Otherwise the pattern will play out again.

Also, I think it's incorrect that men don't have emotional reasons for cheating. Maybe not when its a drunken one night stand, but in a yearlong affair, or several drunken one night stands, something deeper is going on. I've known a few men who cheated, one a serial cheater who fell in love with each woman, the other a player who always had multiple women on the side. The first guy had deep issues with his mom and the other I think just hates women but is insecure and also needs them, a lot of them. He's hard to figure out. One of the pp's who posted about her husband's emptiness - that's mental illness I think. I read about it a lot on psych forums.

So my point is there is a reason but only he can do the work to find it. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics