Reply to Mom still talks trash about other woman (now dad's wife)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote][quote][quote][quote]This. BTW, you don't get to put a limit on someone else's pain. Not only was she screwed over by her husband. Her kids are pretty unfeeling, too.[/quote]

OP here. I'm not unfeeling. You are, but I'm not. I don't seek to put a limit on my mother's pain, but here personal and vicious attacks on stepmom feel a lot like emotional incest - more so when I was *still in high school.*[/quote]

NP here, but OP, what's odd about this is that it seems that your Mom is trashtalking the OW/stepmom, not your Dad. I could see how the latter would be very painful and awkward. But what do you care about the OW? It's not like she raised you since age 6 - she entered your life when you were practically an adult. Admittedly, I have never dealt with this situation (but on the other hand, I have never been cheated on or had family members cheated on either to my knowledge, so I don't have a dog in the race). But if I was in this situation, I imagine I would tend to dislike the OW as well: why would I care if someone was trashing the person who broke up my family - hell I might agree? And to call it "emotional incest" seems bizarrely overwrought. I wonder if it is clear to your Mom that you "side" with the OW, or at least are attracted to her relative success and the fact that she "won" your Dad, and that is why she is constantly in a way "testing your loyalty" with the tirades.
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I assume you consider that appropriate, mature parenting?[/quote]

Of course it is not "mature parenting" - far from it - but I doubt any of us are 100% mature.  But that observation is sort of beside the point - the PP was noting what seemed to be OP's odd lack of empathy for her mother, and empathy doesn't just go to those who are 100% mature.  The theory was that OP's wanted to in some way be allied with her more stable, successful father/stepmom and resisted identifying with a victim, particularly one that was not recovering "properly."  It may instead be tied (at least in part) to the suggestion in OP's later posts that she thinks her Mom is narcissistic and abusive (!), in which case[b] OP, hello, [b]that [/b]is your problem, not some minor league trashtalking about a woman, who *at best* has some very questionable actions in her past.[b]  It seems sort of late in the postings though to be raising allegations of abuse, not sure what to make of that??[/b][/quote]nThatnis what people frequently do here when they aren't getting the responses they want.[/quote]

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