Reply to Mom still talks trash about other woman (now dad's wife)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe she needs to hear you say she didn't deserve what he did to her, before she can put it behind her. At least when talking to you. [/quote]

OP here. I'm surprised at how many people on this thread seem to think I'm somehow responsible for my mother's well-being: how I should be there for her emotionally, how I should make it clear I'm on her "side," how I should let her vent and bitch ad nauseum. I started this thread because I'm tired of this exact behavior of hers. Her emotional well-being is not my responsibility, and it shouldn't be.

I haven't gotten into the specifics of my mother's personality, but she is a narcissist and was abusive to me growing up. We are not particularly close. Yet she has a need to tear into dad's wife every time we get together. FWIW I had zero emotional support or even forthright conversations about what was going on when the information about the affair came out. My dad left and my mother feel apart. [/quote]

OP, I'm a PP who suggested telling your mom that her behavior is stressing you out and not to let the OW continue to have so much power.  It seems from your further posts that there is way more going on than relentlessly complaining about the OW.  You also sound very hurt and angry, probably justifiably if your mom was/is an abusive narcissist.  I still think my prior advice stands, but if I was you I would switch gears and focus on healing yourself.  You can't control your mom, dad, or the OW, but you can control how you handle them.  This takes A LOT of work, most beneficially in therapy, but it's really worth it.  So, like I said your mom shouldn't give the OW power, you should give your mom power.  Unfortunately, I have personal experience dealing with this kind of thing and it's hard.  Your posts almost seem to shout out with anger and pain - it really makes me feel for you.  Take care of yourself.[/quote]

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