Reply to Anyone grow up with a sibling that was the "favorite"?

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[quote=Anonymous]My older sister married and had kids ten years later then me. Her oldest son os treated so badly compared to his younger sister and adopted brother.

I suspect it is because she had a very specific idea of what she wanted in a son and he didnt fit it. She is very clear that she wanted a chubby, brown eyed highly sociable kid. Instead her oldest ds (now 22) has always been skinny (just like his dad), with light blue eyes and a more independent, reserved personality. Probably didnt exactly help that DS had pretty severe speech impediment as a kid.

His sister was born four years later  and treated so much better. And then when DS was 10 they fostered (eventually adopted) his younger brother, who they treat as a god among men despite some serious warning signs of mental illness (interestingly, their older DS is the only one who dares to bring this up).

Some of my sisters worst actions:

When DS was 15 he was told they would teach him to drive, but that they would never help pay for a car/insurance as that was a responsibility that was part of driving. When DS turned 16 she was given a car and they still pay her insurance. When DS brought this up, suddenly the only reason they didn't do the same thing for him was that he wasn't responsible (DD keeps the car in a disgusting, messy, barely running state. I learned this over Christmas as DS was complaining about how his parents had forced him to clean the car out).

When DS was in 9th grade mom found a little plastic baggy in one of her husband's coats, that she assumed was a bag from weed that oldest son had hid in there for some reason. Ever since she has been convinced DS is a pothead. She admitted to me there was absolutely no weed on the bag, or even residue. And at the time she worked in social work/nursing and would distribute pills in small plastic bags for some of her mentally ill clients. And she often borrowed said coat from the dad. Her oldest son never did according to him.

Last month one of the cousins got married over the weekend. He wasnt close to my sister or her family, so we weren't really expecting any of the kids to show up. Well, my sister shows up with DD, says the oldest son couldnt get off work. My daughter posts a picture of all the cousins noting that we missed seeing the son there and hope work went well. The son comments that he actually really wanted to go, had gotten off work for the week but his mom (who had ppreviously said they would pay the airfare) told him they were trying to save money and not to worry, she was going to just go up alone. They paid for two flights for his sister, from North Carolina (where she is on a gap year before college) to Boston (where they live) and then to the wedding in Arizona.

Dd is involved in a VERY expensive hobby. They bought her several horses, pay for room and board for them and gone out of their way to make sure she gets the opportunity to do that. When DS wanted to persue rock climbing and backpacking as a teen they tried to talk him out of it, and when they finally gave in, acted like his comparably cheap hobby was breaking the bank (if its not obvious, they are very well off, each parent makes 100000+ a year).

Dd has never worked for money, has no intentions to start working, and only dream seems to be to open a stable and take care of horses all her life - and sees this as a reasonable goal without ever actually working for a wage. Ds has had shitty part time jobs since he was 17 and for the past two years has worked 40+ hours a week while going to school full time (and getting good grades). He now works in one of the best restaurants in the city he lives in. Guess which is the lazy kid with no work ethic? Ds.

There is so much more. In the end I feel bad for my sister. Her oldest Ds, despite this, is a great, hard working, highly ontelligent young man who she will never have a real relationship with. I think thats what stings me most - the Ds is a great guy, her dd is a selfish brat.

We all met up at our family's shared vacation house over this last Christmas up by a ski resort. Ds stayed the whole week we were there, enjoying the time with hos grandmother (who is now 91) reminiscing about grandpa (who died last march) and being a great family member despite the fact his own mother was hounding him the entire time. His sister? Showed up at 11:30Pm on Christmas eve, woke up at 10:30AM Christmas day and was outta there by noon to, 'Spend time with my friends' after her cousin pointed out that she was clearly hungover.

I guess I just wanted to vent. To the OP: luckily it sounds like you are close enough you can help give your sister's son some of the attention he deserves. Ive tried to do the same, but we live hours apart and so I never got the chance to do as much as I wanted. I do send him care packages every now and again.    [/quote]

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