Reply to He Wasn't Supposed To Date a Hot Preschool Teacher

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I could have written this post 20 years ago. I was married about 10 years and he was an alcoholic (didn't know it when we married) and abusive. When we split up, he found someone else within months. The woman was pregnant and he eventually married her and raised that kid as his own-- even while ignoring his own who he didn't see for years. I was so upset.

Let me tell you how things turned out. We did let her know about the abuse (I was scared for her because she was pregnant) and he was LIVID and went to the police, trying to get me arrested. According to his own version, the police practically laughed at him. Looking back, I was lucky he didn't go after me but she married him anyway. As far as I know, he wasn't abusive to her. An inlaw told me she just let him do whatever he wanted (alcohol, drugs, sleep all day, go out all night) and he wasn't abusive.

What DID happen: 10-15 years later, all the substance abuse started taking its toll and he has some serious, lifethreatening health problems. He has several serious conditions and a very shortened life expectancy so, yes, it catches up-- just not the way I hoped. (I hoped he would wake up one day-- before finding her-- and realize he was sacrificing his family for a bottle and give it up but that never happened.)

Since we divorced, I went back to school, finished my degree, got into my dream career and raised all of our kids on my own. They turned out great, thank you very much. They all went to college. They are emotionally stable. They are nice people and hold jobs. Oh yes, and none of them abuses alcohol or drugs.

I make a good salary at a job I enjoy. I never did find anyone. I probably could have-- still could-- but I dedicated all my time to my kids and my job. I didn't want to take time away from my kids for a man and I was very wary of bringing home a stepdad to my girls. Some days I am lonely. Some days I wish I would find someone but there are still self-esteem issues after all the years of abuse. But, really, I've got a good life.

My advice: Thank God he is off your hands. Don't worry about what he is with her; you know what he was with you and you don't want that. Enjoy your life. Get counseling now so you don't struggle with the self-esteem issues; they won't go away on their own. And take care of yourself physically because raising kids alone is hard and it's too easy to skip doctors' appointments, not have things checked out, not go to the gym, etc.

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Impressive.  Must have been lonely at times and I wonder what your kids think of scarifice - not remarrying etc[/quote]

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