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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel in Love with with AP and he fell in love with me.  Even when he broke it off with me he said I Love You over and over because he said it was the last words he wanted me to hear.  He would not divorce because he did not believe in it so he is with his wife whom he also loves.  Complicated.[/quote]

When someone tells you he loves you, it does not mean he does actually love you.  Oftentimes people say what they think the other person wants to hear.  People do this - say what they think the other person wants to hear instead of the truth - because they want the person to whom they're lying to respond in a way they wouldn't otherwise if told the truth.  Another reason why people lie like this is because they are afraid of dealing with negative emotions or consequences.

If you really want to know if a person loves you, as opposed to their just saying they love you to achieve a goal, then observe their ACTIONS instead of their WORDS.  Do their actions show respect for you?  Are they able to put the needs of others first?  Do they care enough about you to tell you the truth about what they're doing and feeling and let you make your own decision in response without trying to influence you even when the consequences of your decision could have a negative effect on them?   These are the kind of actions that stem from love.

I am very sorry your AP did not love you. Your AP used you for sex.  He never had any intent to leave his wife, because he does not believe in it, although he did not love and respect you enough yo tell you that before you started sleeping together.  He told you he loves you repeatedly as he broke up with you because he didn't want to be the bad guy.

Confusing intent with action is the classic tactic of the abuser.  He convinces his victim to tolerate his abusive actions because his intent is good.  I'm hitting you, but only because I love you so much it makes me jealous.  Or, I'm cheating on you, but I would never leave you. Or I won't leave her for you but I love you. [/quote]

you are right.  i feel manipulated and abused.  i'm happy i made it out of the relationship alive and only 1/2 scared.  when you are in it, it feels so real but its all a sham.[/quote]

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