Reply to DH friendships with women - what's your comfort level

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

Ask for what I need. Ask for what I need. (Repeating this to myself.) And what I need from him is ok and not unreasonable. Just typing to myself here.

I also have never thought of myself as a jealous person. I hate playing this cliche role. But as 14:06 pointed out, the resentment I feel is real. and only stands to worsen.

[b]Overall, he has done better at maintaining a night life/social life since DC was born since he is more of a night owl than I am. I will always choose sleep over a bar/party. He is willing to sacrifice sleep to be social. The result is that I stay home on saturday nights and he goes out (some times). So I am already resentful that he has this part of his life still in tact, while I don't. It's not really what I want for myself anymore - I don't WANT to be out at the bar - but I wish he didn't want it either. I wish he wanted to stay home with me.[/b][/quote]

OP, you didn't say how old your child is, but I assume that he/she is pretty young - 2, max.

This is an adjustment that sooooooo many of us go through. I think that it is easier - overall - for women to adjust to a lifestyle of being at home and not being out on the town. I think that a lot of us - myself included - don't fully transition, though. We transfer from "fun young lady who goes out with her sweetie to wine bar X on Saturday" to "mom who stays home on Saturday" and don't continue the change to "mom who goes out on date night with her sweet a couple times a month if the babysitter is available."

I think it's pretty common for fans of a particular sport to want to watch that sport with other fans. My husband would probably be THRILLED to go out with your husband to watch boxing, since it's not my thing at all and we don't have those channels. If it was part of his routine to watch this game or that game at a bar, then I can understand wanting to preserve that activity.

Where I would have a problem is if he's doing these things to avoid you or if the activities that he does separately from you are harming your relationship. At this point, you are clearly feeling insecure about this situation, even though it seems that he's been pretty forthright about what he's up to. I don't find the "Jen watched the fight" all that suspicious, because who knows? Maybe DH sent out a text to a bunch of people and only Jen was free? Maybe Jen is a boxing superfan? Either way, how I would feel about my husband and Jen watching the fight is not relevant. It makes you feel crappy, and your husband should be interested in reassuring you on that front.

Maybe you can open the conversation and try to keep focused on social things that you and he can do together. You should definitely tell him that his sudden friendships with these young women makes you feel uncomfortable. You don't have to justify anything - if he is not an asshole, he will back off these fairly trivial friendships out of deference to your feelings. But it would be helpful to get a better understanding of what he's getting out of these friendships and then try to work on him getting that from more appropriate places.

How is your relationship otherwise?[/quote]

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