Reply to My husband left today. Tell me I'm better off without him.

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Reply to "My husband left today. Tell me I'm better off without him."

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, wow, I am so sorry for you.  This happened to me.  In a very similar manner.  My ex had an affair for about a year and decided to leave me, but it was a crazy back and forth of emotions for him.  First he wanted to save the marriage, then he couldn't stay married, etc. etc.  His affair partner dumped him and he was completely devastated.

He was also bipolar (undiagnosed while all the craziness was going on).  He also stopped taking any meds and refused to get help.  He doesn't think he is bipolar.  I now can see looking back how erratic his behavior was.  But, at the time, I was so used to it that it didn't really faze me.  My life was so chaotic, but it seemed normal that way to me after 20 years of marriage to him.

I did not take him back.  I knew that I didn't have it in me to trust him ever again.  I learned about so many other secrets as well (spending huge amounts on strippers, lying about travel, etc).

I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER NOW!  Life is not necessarily easier; I have financial stress -- but it is oh so worth it.  Life has a calmness and serenity that was completely lacking before.

The truth for me was that the divorce process was awful.  It was really hard to get up everyday and see what crazy thing he had done or was threatening to do (spend all our assets, move to India and live in an Ashram, buy property in Florida and then declare bankruptcy).  Divorce is hard.  Divorce with an unmedicated bipolar spouse is hell.  So hang in there for that.

After the divorce, life is good.  Really good. My kids are doing really well.  They still have a relationship with their dad (he only sees them about one day a month). It it not ideal, but that all the time he will make for the kids.  He's remarried and has a new family.  I wasn't jealous at all.  I figure that his new wife probably adds some stability to his crazy life.

I have a freedom and happiness now that I never expected.  There are times that I miss being married and having a best friend in my spouse -- but out marriage hadn't been that way for the last 5 years anyway.

OP -- there is life after this!  Hang in there.  You will thrive.  You will surprise yourself with your strength.
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