Reply to My husband left today. Tell me I'm better off without him.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have been married for 9 years, have a 4 and a 1 year old. Over the summer, he told me he had an affair for 2 years, during which time I was pregnant and birthed #2. The next day, he said he wanted to stay in the marriage and work it out. A week later, he called from work and said, "I love her. I'm not coming home." Later that night, he came back begging forgiveness. I took him back. We went into counseling right away, which led to him alone seeing several top psychologists and psychiatrists for many issues. He was diagnosed as bipolar a few months ago. A week ago, he announced he is not bipolar and he is not taking his meds anymore. He quit them cold turkey even though I urged him to wean under the guidance of his psychiatrist. He called his AP last week to "see if she was happy". She said he lost her job, is not seeing anyone and wants him back. He tells me he feels he has to leave our marriage or he'll kill himself. I think this is definitely a manipulation. His AP gave him an STD. Back when he discovered it, he was furious. He is still being treated for it. Now he says he doesn't care. He told me "there's so much I don't understand" about him. I said, like what and he said, like he smokes pot with her. (He had never done a drug before in his life; I did a little pot as a teen.) He was also with AP during a several week period when my younger kid was in the ped ICU and I was at my kid's bedside day and night. He has no shame, no sense of responsibility. He focuses on games and screens a lot, is not present with his kids like he should be. Before the bipolar diagnosis, he could be very cold to me when he was in a bad mood as I walked on eggshells. The meds seemed to be helping, but he had no patience to figure out the right regimen.

We used to have the same values, supposedly. When we got married he said that he had heard something he thought was really true: that divorce is not an option, you stay and work on a marriage even if you love someone else more. We have two kids together, I'm a great mom and I'm just one of those people who's really and sweet and easy. We agreed we'd never divorce, we'd always work it out. Since the summer, I have been working so hard to forgive him and rebuild trust. Sometimes he seemed indifferent, other times he was warm. I thought it was him adjusting to meds. My family is wonderful and they had welcomed him with open arms. Now they say good riddance and want to wrap me and my kids in tons of love and support. They are the best. He says (now) that he won't fight me on anything. I can completely have the kids and he will see them when I say he can. Money will be beyond tight but my wonderful family will help us.

Please don't be mean. I am scared and devastated. Any words of support? Anyone BTDT? Also, does anyone have tips for what to say to my 4 year old who adores their daddy? Thank you.[/quote]

He is not well at all! It sounds like he has just come unglued from a combination of mental illness and the effects of various medications.
How is he even going to work and functioning? I'm so sorry this has to be really hard for you.
He doesn't need the AP - that's just making him wackier.

I would be nice to him to relax him but get a lawyer very soon to help protect your family's interests.

Absolutely no one should be mean to you - holy cow this is a lot to deal with.
Absolutely none of it has much to do with yourself or your kids.
I would tell your daughter that daddy isn't feeling well but that you hope that he will feel a bit better soon.
Of course it wouldn't be great if she repeated this to him? What do you say to a 4 year old?!
I babysat for a family of 5 as a kid and the dad left and the kids all said that 'daddy was away on business'. 
It doesn't get less involved than that.

So sorry[/quote]

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