Reply to Emotional Labor - a good read for men AND women

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, your message made me cringe.  Please don't teach your daughter to walk around with a chip on her shoulder regarding anything remotely related to unpaid labor.  Please teach her to be financially independent, strong and confident.  With that skill set she will have the confidence to state what she needs/wants, be able to clearly define her expectations in a relationship, and wait to get in a long-term committed relationship until she is confident it is the right person (or never get in a long-term relationship).  It makes for a much more positive outlook on life than what you are currently teaching her.[/quote]

Ah, yes, female children should not be taught to set and enforce boundaries or consider reciprocity......  They should just find the "right person".   Teaching my child to recognize when she is performing unpaid labor and consider if and why it is valuable to her and whether it is being done as part of a reciprocal benefit IS teaching her to "clearly define her expectations in a relationship."  [/quote]

That is not what I said at all.  My parents raised me to be strong and independent.  They made it very clear from an early age that my work ethic and career path would have a direct impact on my life.   I have been happily married for 15 years and I don't do any "emotional" labor nor have I ever.  Honestly, i never even considered it until I saw this link.  [b]My husband is an adult and can maintain his own relationships without my help.  I have my own relationships and job to maintain and I don't have the time or desire to maintain his life.[/b]  On the housekeeping front we realized early on we both hate it so we hire it out.  It has been a financial priority since we got married.    It is a hell of a lot cheaper than divorce or therapy.

This isn't rocket science.  Yes, it is about finding the right person because you can't expect to change another adult.  
[/quote]

+1M to the 1st and 3rd comments.  WRT this notion of "emotional labor", it's 100% something within your ability to control, and this poster gets it exactly right (on physical labor too - that's how adults cooperate to reach a solution).[/quote]

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