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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Aside from the "fancy" aspect, this was my father.

He tried to tell me that he doesn't dislike any of us or anything (!) but that he raised me, and he has no interest in hanging out "watching us parent" little kids or, horrors, be asked to actually engage with the children in any way.  He was a royal asshole and for years I thought my mother felt the same way because he always spoke for the two of them and I could never – literally never – see her alone.

Turns out that he was emotionally abusing her quite a bit and is himself almost a classic narcissistic personality type.  We were forced to cut him off several years ago.

My mother miraculously separated from him a couple of years after that and is now free and much happier – and comes to see us frequently and whenever she feels like it, or we feel like it, and she enjoys herself immensely.  My kids adore her.  I didn't realize until I had kids of my own how much he emotionally abused me for years as well, and then when I saw the way he treated my first child as a toddler the one or two times every other year that he did deign to visit, I called an end to it immediately.

Some parents just don't want to be grandparents.  FWIW, my dad went to work at 15 to support his mom and siblings and he felt like he never had any life of his own really – so as soon as his one kid was out of the nest, he decided his life was all his own now and he wasn't going to spend time with anyone unless it was spent sitting around talking about himself.  It's sad, but there it is.  I think he's off somewhere now traveling the continent in an RV, sucking off the government for unemployment, and reading a lot about conspiracy theories.  :roll:

It's foul, it is just really is.  You have my sympathy, OP, but in a way be glad your kids don't have to be around such selfish people.[/quote]

I'm sorry, PP. My mom is a lot like this too, and her story sounds a lot like your dad's. She was responsible for others from a very early age. By the time I came along when she was 34, she was just OVER dependents (not sure why she had me then?). Actually, yes I am, it was to worship her and make her feel great about herself. Too bad that didn't work out. [/quote]

Thanks for saying that – the above portion was my post.  That's actually a really good way of putting it.  My dad only allowed my mom to have one child – me – and he was great with me apparently when I was a baby, but once I began walking and talking and having opinions (and a lot of my mother's attention), he didn't like that.  He was never physically abusive, but mean and manipulative, and I do think he wanted  a child that would make him feel important AND important in the eyes of other people.  Every accomplishment I ever earned he flaunted to everyone he could as it being HIS accomplishment.  He ended up getting what he deserved, thankfully.[/quote]

Wow. This is my story, too. Sad but comforting in a way to know I'm not alone. [/quote]

Another who can relate...this sounds a lot like my dad. I never thought of the taking care of yourself from a young age piece of things, and that makes a lot of sense. Sorry to hear so many of us have parents like this.[/quote]

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