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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I was in a similar situation not long ago. Have you read the clearance denial letter? If not, you need to. Read the actual letter, carefully.

Clearances don't get denied because of porn. They get denied if the TYPE of porn is illegal or possibly so shameful that it would make him a blackmail risk.

I am very skeptical about your H's troubling behavior ending over a decade ago. In clearance reviews, recent behavior carries more weight than old behavior.

Your H being incoherent and ill for his polygraph might have been because he was afraid his behaviors would come out in the poly - rather than him misspeaking due to illness. My XH became ill before his poly too.

I am concerned that your H may be rationalizing, minimizing, and lying to you. It's incredibly common with porn addiction, even with legal porn. It is this deep, dark, shameful secret they've been hiding for years. People confess only when "caught" and forced to, and then only to what is undeniable, and sometimes not even that. Later, as more is exposed or possibly with treatment, more might come out. But I doubt that what he has told you thus far is the full story.

My XH agreed to get counseling, and after a short while started cancelling his appointments. He still has not gotten treatment because he doesn't think he has a problem.

OP, I get why you don't want to believe this. I didn't either. I thought my XH was an honest, upstanding, nerdy-innocent guy. It was difficult for me to let go of that image I had of him for so long.

This is serious stuff. Ignoring it will not make it go away, and could put your kids at risk. If you stay now, it could impact custody of your kids later.

At the very least, you should consult with a family law attorney. 
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