Reply to Should I tell his wife that he's cheating?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I was in your situation about 9 months ago.   I know how you feel.   I know it's hard, but the PP who said to "ghost him" is 100% right.    I didn't and things really blew up in my face.  Please learn from my mistakes.

Completely ghost him.   
In 6 months, if you still feel the need to tell his wife, DON'T tell her about YOU.   You say he is probably cheating with someone else now too (and I will bet you are right!) so see if you can find out about that and tell her about THAT.   
How could she have discovered about the two of you?  Did you communicate through phone/texts?   Tell her to check the phone bills.   Did you often meet in a certain place?   Tell her to check there.   Give her evidence (not YOUR texts/emails) that people know intimate details about her husband---if he has a birthmark or scar in an intimate place, details about the bedroom that someone would only know if they've been in there, does he prefer a certain brand/type of underwear that is distinctive (that was the case in my situation), etc.   But make sure this info does not lead to YOU specifically.

You want her to find out about the other women--not YOU.    She can make your life hell--are you married?   She could tell your husband.   If not, she could tell your parents, your co-workers, etc. and just make everyone else in your life lose respect for you.[/quote]

PP you are very cowardly.  You are angry that the wife told the truth about you.  She did not make your life hell, YOU did by sleeping with a married man.  At least be honest with what you are advising OP to do.  You are telling her to end the situation in a way that avoids as many of the consequences of her bad behavior as possible.

This is just a perpetuation of the immaturity of the AP.  The core of an affair is a self delusion that what you are doing will remain secret and doesn't affect or hurt anyone else.  Ending things in this way is just more of the same behavior.  If OP wants to grow as a person and leave behind the behavior patterns that got her into this mess (and maybe she doesn't), she will be honest with the wife and take her lumps.

Speaking as a cheated upon wife, the only good part of your advice is to end the relationship and wait some period of time before telljng, and point the wife where she can see evidence for herself - texts, email, credit card bills, etc.

[/quote]

I disagree.  My wife got an email from a woman who said she was my AP (not true in any way.)  This woman even said she had proof.  My wife, bless her, did not believe her and made it a mission to make this woman's life hell, as was mentioned by someone else above.  I think the best thing to do OP is to walk away and heal yourself.[/quote]

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